Part of my issue is ...
Well I guess it comes down to ego, but I make the assumpition that we we're in love, I loved her, she loved me, therfore we have a special connection, that is not breakable yadda yadda yadda.
Cue much drama.
I still think that some day she'll turn around and be like "you were right, I love you, can we be together forever".
It's not even like thats what I'm saying thats what I want, but it's what I think.
Her stopping out after a night out, is like a betrayal to this future her wanting me, and in my ego I can't help wonder if I could forgive her then for the things she does now.
In reality we're broken up, I'm not overly destroyed, but I am being paranoid and overly concerning myself with things that don't concern me.
I wish they did but they do not.
Now options are.
A: go all PI, ask my mate why suspiciously he didn't contact her when he said he would, ask the one she went out with what happened, grill her about details when she returns home, find evicdence of flirtatiousness, making out, say haha! I knee I was right and be vindicated for my knowledge and have my paranoia and jelously proven true.
B: ask how night was, to her, no one else, attempt to be casual and deal with any answer with pleasent conversation, she's asked me previously to mask any emotional battling i'm going through and it's something thats became the stanard by now. this is the expected track.
C: not mention it, carry on regardless, don't even bring it up, if she does, be like whatever. She's not going to be jelous that I'm not jelous, and your not winning any battles but, acting like you don't care will help you not care.
Some would say you want her becuase you can't have her.
I'd say I want her because I love her. not then or in the future but right now.
That may not be the happy shiny balloons love, but it's there, kicking gentle grins and warm hearts and even if shes going to be a uncaring bitch (which to be fair she isn't) I'd still be in love.
natural born sucker.
But I'd rather be a naive fool, than run and build those walls again. it's taken me two years to tear them down I wont build them again.
just a difficult one really, wondering about what her night out entailed and being paranoid about things I don't really have a right to be, and imagining friendships being ignored...thats there too....
I'll survive, someone else will eventually pop up and life goes up.
plus she loves me, and one day in china she'll realise this. mwhahaha ugh pathetic.
If I was more of a dick I'd just go out n fuck some idiotic student, problem is like a samurai with weapons skills, I know I'm attractive and cool , and all full of charm with tails of adventure and revolution and all that shit that could easily be used to make girls wet. I just don't care too, it's not me.
she wan'ts me too aswell, lets her off with breaking my heart if I hook up with someone else.
bitches , day be crazy.