For an alcoholic, a single drink is to much. That one drink becomes a symbol and is the catayst for a process that seems them delving into a unwanted life. One drink is too much ... The same goies for most any addicition really, drugs, sex whatever you got.
I don't really have a addicitve personality, but what I do have is a tendancy and a ease with rotting.
Wasting life and watching it pass me by, just loathing on the computer, not doing much, The japanese have the term Hikikomori, which pretty much describes how I can be sometimees, and by sometimes I mean much of the past couple of years, I've been idol, waiting for something more to happen, procrastinating on my dreams and wants, To long have I been waiting for life while usuing emotional and personal dramas as an excuse to hibernate and life on pause.
Like I've said before, I'm currently on pause.
The rot creeps in, with facebook games and stumble upon, noodles and films, just wasting time, not doing anything I'd deem production, in this case waiting for new year, waiting for the social centre, waiting for kc to go to China, waiting for the website to go up, there all just excuses for something deeper in myself.
Like that pint glass to the boozer, these winter is putting the rot to close to me, it's not all there yet perhaps, I'm still being productive, reading editing, designing stuff, but I can sense it there creeping in with the duration of the pause.
I can't really keep the pause on till the new year, It'll set.
My little neurotic minefields to much to deal with right now.
I think I might escape a few days and head up north, get intoxicated and hold requim to the faults of the past few weeks in a club with a decent mate or two, and some rock chicks to idolly flirt with in mosh pits, smoking to many ciggerettes and for one last breif moment, forggetting myself.
Let the new year set in, and have that month or so of cerebral rennaissance in which to get on with the work which I need to be doing, get a .5 job, establish nexus, upload the resistance pages and break the social centre, January is going to be one packed month, but for now I just want to drift, and enjoy a good decadent stupor.
I don't know, I may stay here, let the moments drift me by as I am Christmas and all the superfluous tosh that comes along with it, I feel a need to stick around atleast till the 29th and I know KC has finished her TEFL and she can relax and start making her plans to get to China ... and I got a meeting on the 3rd ... That gives me what 3/4 days ... we'll have to see.
Happy Hogswatch folks.