Its not that I want to feel this way, my body is exhausted, it aches all over, I just tired. So tired.  And miserable about everything so it seems right now.  I thought it was my iron being low so I started taking my iron suppliments again.. I thought it was because I wasn't getting enough sleep.. so I started going to be earlier.. I thought it was because the seasons are changing and the weather is so screwy.. but knowing that isn't making things any better.  All I want to do is sleep, I don't want to go to work, don't want to be with friends (even though i'm forcing myself to get out a bit) but by the time 5pm or earlier rolls around I want to curl up into a hole and just pass out.  I'm not stuff in the nose, no fever, no stomach sickness.. Whats wrong with me?  I just got my period, I'm not pregnant. (see I'm exploring all options). 

I think I'm a little depressed, not severly depressed to the point I can't function.. but to the point that I want to be out of this fucking rut!  My life is good, things are fine, friends are good. What the hell.  I just want to be myself again.  I don't need therapy.. 'cause its not that kind of issue, its environmental I believe. Weather. Ugg I want to be out of this rut.  I want to find my place.  I just want to.. What the hell do I want? 

I sit here at the computer sobbing, not know why I'm even shedding tears, Actually if I think hard enough I know what its about.  I'm in mourning. Settling in.  I'm settling.  School was my whole life. Now its work. I want the next phase of my life to start. But its not my time. I'm not ready apparently because its not happening.  I want to settle down, get married, have a family, buy a house. Not be living with my parents so I can survive for the time being.  I'm stuck here, soo stuck.  I know things will fall into place I just need to give them time.  Time. time. time.

*i shoulden't be like this. i'm fine*