Well, a few days after my previous post... Me and C broke up. I am not as sad as I was before, but I am still hurt. I know seeing him move on will hurt, but only for a short time. Nothing hurts forever right?
I have still been writing poetry, and trying to focus on getting my life together. I been focussed way too much on relationships, or guys, and I am done with that for awhile. For the rest of 2008 at least. I will remain single. If a guy is cool, after awhile, and we go on a date, thats one thing.. but I dont wanna be in a relationship now. I want to take this time and focus on myself, and becoming closer to God. Everything made sense for me then. I need to get back to that. I know that God will show me the way I should go, I just have to stop and listen.
I was getting dreams that C was lying, and sometimes even cheating. Though I don't know if the cheating part is true, I know we get those dreams and gut feelings for a reasons. So from now on I am going to use them. I still love him, very much, and he was my first so I always will. Maybe one day he will say what I have been trying to say, we can sit down and have a talk and work things out. Or maybe not. Only time will tell, and only God knows...
And if not, I know I tried to be the best girlfriend that I knew how to be. And thats all I can do. I can't live uphappy.
So here I am, sitting here all alone wondering why.. time and time again... and asking the classic questions. Where did we go wrong? Was I that terrible? Did your friends mean more to you that I ever did? Do they mean more than I ever could? and most importantly of all... Is all that really worth throwing away what we had? All that down the drain?...