I b/p'ed again today! Urg...I wasn't really even in the mood for it like I usually am, I just wanted some ice cream and cookies and that's all really. The purge went pretty well in the end but I don't like b/p more than once a day bc I'm afraid I'll absorb more calories and gain weight. These days I'm so scared of gaining weight and just eating in general. When I was driving up to school a couple days ago I didn't have time for a b/p and I didn't have a microwave (yet) so I couldn't heat up soup for myself. I got a subway sandwich, but since it was more calories than I could allow myself, I cut off a big hunk of the sandwich and gave it to my boyfriend. Even though I didn't eat anything else that day, I couldn't have more than 230 calories. I just don't want any food in me anymore. I'd rather b/p 2x than b/p once and eat a meal.
Sometimes it is just so hard for me to deal with food. I'm thinking about it constantly, wanting to eat but not allowing myself too, planning out b/p's...seriously, I'm obsessed. I think my boyfriend is tired of hearing me talk about food because it's so repetitive.
On a good note, our TV cable is set up now so there's background noise to prevent my suitemates from hearing me! It feels awkward going in and out of the fridge so much, but whatever. I don't care so much about that.
Back to my reading for Spanish...it's pretty hard to concentrate on that right now! And I've got a bunch of pages left...ok, time to stop procrastinating.