Its the anniversary of my friend Dana's death. I feel like a total asshole for not going to her grave. I havent been up there in a few years and that makes me feel horrible. Its just such a far drive and the weather is so awful that nobody wants to take me. I know Dana knows Im thinking about her and missing her. I hope Alex is doing alright today. Alex is my cousin, who was dating Dana when she passed. Dana was driving to make Alex breakfast one morning after he had surgery, hit some ice and then hit some trees. She didnt make it. Only 18 years old...it makes me sick to think about someone who was so good and just all around a cute, love-able girl is gone. I love you and miss you Dana...
On top of feeling like shit from that, things arent so hot with Steve and myself. He calls one day to say how much he misses me and loves me and then I hear nothing from him for days on end! I texted him today to say I bought his dumbass a Christmas present and it should be at his house soon. I said I sent it incase Im not there for awhile. He fucking obviously did NOT get the hint and said thank you. He went to say how he wasnt doing well and he'd bug me sometime soon. FUCK YOU. I told him I wasnt doing well either, that I was close to doing the 'no-no' and all he can tell me is 'dont'. The only reason why I havent today is because Im going to the gyno on Thursday and thats the last thing I need is them making a fuss about it. "Im thinking about just packing and leaving" Yeah, like your life is sooo bad with working for the family business, driving around in your 2007 truck and OH, thats right, having your college paid for. Sounds sooo bad that you MIGHT have to deal with your parents since they do so much for you. God.
I tried to call Meghan and talk to her, thinking it would help with the ever worsening depression but she was on her way out the door. Maggie is at work. Steve is dealing with his so called drama and my parents are passed out. Who does that leave? Myself and Anthony. Poor guy takes so much abuse from me. I just ramble about everything and just bitch and hes fine with it. He actually doesnt down play my problems like some other people, he doesnt sit there and be like, "Cara, it could be alot worse. I dont know, Cara." THATS NOT HELPFUL SO KNOCK IT OFF.
All that money Ma made doing overtime, is now going to the garage to fix dads truck. Almost $900.00 gone...just like that and Im pissed. She worked her ass off for that and the garage said it would only be like $300.00 and then after it was fixed, it was something like $700.00. I have half the mind to call them myself and flip shit. You should of heard my parents, screaming and yelling and slamming shit all because of those fucks. And Ma has a bad heart and I swear to God I was waiting for her to tell me to call the ambulence. Assholes.
Well, the sadness is gone and now Im just enraged. Better than sobbing.
Peace