I have noticed something about myself. I don't know if this is true of everyone. I don't do well with the in between. I am good in a crisis. I am good when I have a project or need to be strong. I mean I would never have thought that I could survive what I survived this year. When I was younger I worked full time, traveled and got my master degrees. But its the in between projects, in between things to focus on that I don't do well. Its then that I feel shaky. Its then that I feel indecisive and exhausted and lost. I have a lot of talents but a lack of focus I guess. Or maybe people just act this way to get through things. But it seems that I have a hard time choosing things I want to do. I just end up facing things, ordeals I have to get through. I really should try to choose things I want to do in the in between.
On a side note, Olivia has had a really difficult time with Patrick leaving every week again. He was home for four months during my mastectomy and reconstruction surgeries (it was in two stages). She tends be slow at getting attached to people but once she does she tends to get really attached. So now, every Monday, she cries and says "I had a hard day" when Patrick goes away to work. She is such a dear child. I love her so much. I feel horrible that she is taking it so hard. Adrianna tried to cheer her up by singing a song for her that she made up. It was quite intricate and sentimental. I couldn't stop laughing despite my best efforts to stop. She sang it into Patrick's cell phone voice mail but when I listened back to it, it mostly sounded like garbles with screams in the background. Its funny that I find Adrianna funny when she isn't trying to be and not so funny when she is trying to be. I think sometimes that is one of the things I like about her.
I went to yoga today to loosen up my stomach muscles. The tummy tuck portion of the surgeries really did a number on me. I would strongly discourage anyone interested in getting one post pregnancies. But then others have not had such a hard time with it. I am hoping between the lymphatic massage and the yoga that I will be on the mend soon.