Ok....... Where do I begin......
I am a 19 year old girl living in England and i am confused about my sexuality.... i mean i love boys i do ... but then there is a side of me that is attracted to women!
Ever since i started work there has been a few.... lets see Clare, Alice and Katie! i mean i really like Clare! she is so beautiful and she always talks to me when i see her. I wish that i could let her no how i'm feeling uno.
Out of my group f friends I cant really tell any of them about it... there very sterotypical and they wouldn't understand to say the least!
i do this thing where i convince my self that these girls feel the same way about me as i do them... but i know its not true deep down.
i often dream what it would be like to actually b with Clare... and i can see myself being happy!
I mean i do love boys but i just feel i cant trust them! They lie and cheat and i dont want to get hurt! I jus think that being with a women i could actually know what love feels like!!!
Alice definitly liked me! she even asked me out,,, but i was to worried that i might actually fall for this women and my friends would banish me out........ i wish they would understand what this felt like.
i DONT want to have these feelings.. i jus do... i sometimes feel like calling clare and jus being like " I like you, will you come out for a drink with me"
that would be the day!
but i cant bring myself to let her know, even thou i'm pretty sure she likes me how can i really tell?
i mite make a fool of my self and then have to face her at work! When we worked in the same department she was always talking to me and looking out for me... i can just sense she is a lesbien as weird as that sounds!
I saw her the other day.. and my heart just started racing! i jus wanted her to look at me and smile.. i when she did my heart just melted!......... see i have never got that feeling from any boy before.. yet here i was getting it from a women surely that makes me gay?