I want a happy family. 
One that doesn't have a bi-polar father.
One where your mom doesn't cry on your shoulder.
One where your brother doesn't need to hold you together.

The only way where my family would be happy is if my dad wasn't in it.
That's the damn truth and I'm not going to take that back.

Here's what led me to this conclusion.

Long version is below. Short version...skip to the red writing.

Last night my mom was at her high school reunion. I got off work and told my dad my plans to go to Jolie's party.
I wrote down the address and number and went on my way. He didn't trust me but I was going to prove him wrong that I would be responsible and show up at 12:30 sober.   :)

Well i went to the party, and refused drinks and caught up with all my friends. I got kind of uncomfortable when the guys were too drunk and realized, hey, Megan is single. So I left to go see Gavin at Bennigans. [Yeah, he's another story that would have to come later.] So I got there and called my dad from their phone because of course my phone died.

He didn't sound very happy but I thought I was making a good choice in leaving a drinking party. So I stayed there until 12 to go back to the party and pick up Emily Andres cuz she was staying the night. Whelp, my fucking car dies. I pull over, pop the hood, try to pretend I know what I'm looking at. My phone's dead, I'm alone, and it's dark. FUUUUUUUCK.

I knock on some door and I asked this guy to use his cell phone. I get ahold of dad and he's pissed.

So the car spends the night in some neighborhood on some street.

Why is it always MY car that screws up. Damn burgandy interior I think, its evil.

My dad is stressin. He says he can't get ahead in life.
He can't do anything right.
He is sick of fixing things and spending money.
He has no joy in life anymore.
 We [as in mom, matt, and me] suck the life out of him.

He's going to shoot himself he says.
Mom and dad fight for I don't know how long about who cares what.
Then he goes to bed in his office next to the gun case.

Surprisingly I see him alive in the morning. And in a good mood...?

I can't fuction knowing my dad wants to kill himself.

I can't go 5 minutes without crying because I see such a fucked up family.

God help us all.

Glory Fades,
Megan.