I guess it blew up last night. I decided to do what I wanted with my school - to start working with my AA degree before I furthered my education. I figure I have all the time in the world to get a degree, why am I going to rush it? I want to do this right. I mean it's not just graduating high school, it's the rest of my life we're talking about here. I don't understand why they don't grasp that.

My mom started yelling at me, "YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL, AND YOU ARE GETTING YOUR 4 YEAR DEGREE!" 

And I'm thinking well hey, I'm the one paying for my education, so I think that very well means I decide WHEN, HOW AND FOR WHAT I am going to school for. I sign that check every semester for my school and for my books, and I bust my ass at work on my own dime to pay for it. If I wanted to fucking drop out right this second, I feel like I should be entitled to. 

I don't understand why they're doing this to me. I just wanted to be happy at home. I don't feel like at 20 years old I should be made to feel like I'm not allowed to make my own decisions. I don't understand how that's okay. Just another thing to add to the list of bullshit I've had to put up with since I've gotten home. 

I want to feel like coming home is the right decision. I want to feel loved and supported here. But I'm not. I'm not supported with my school, not fiscially, not morally. End of story. And I want to believe that being home is a GOOD THING for me. But it's not. My parents cant seem to let go of the reins and let me try to be the adult I want to be. The adult I DESERVE to be. 

I DESERVE to make my own decisions. After moving out for a year, funding myself, maintaining a 3.83 GPA at University, not getting drunk, pregnant, or in trouble...being a GOOD kid, having a job, being respectful and responsible, I DESERVE that. 

What kills me is that when I move out in August (I have no other choice), I'm not going to be leaving as a "you're an adult now, go fly on your own." I'm going to be leaving as "This is what's best for me, I have to get out of your house to be able to grow as I want to."

It shouldn't surprise me. Zebras can't change their stripes, and my parents can't change the fact that they're controlling liars. 

All in due time.