Foreward: She sits on the floor near the window, nervously chewing her bottom lip. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out the tattered slip of paper he'd given her: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. She smiles to herself and closes her eyes, this is it, isn't it? She stands up, draws a haphazard heart in the frost on the window and walks quickly to the door. He always knew exactly what she needed to survive.
I gave up the ghost yesterday. I just took a long, ragged breath.. and..just..gave it up. I'm so grateful for him. He deserves his air and new hearts to haunt. He deserves Ireland without the memories, and a castle without a wicked Queen. He deserves purity and scar free skin.
He's a smart one, that ghost.
The ghost taught me things about myself that were, at once, wonderful, thrilling, uncomfortable and terrifying to learn. He taught me that a woman can be soft and still be a survivor. He taught the gales to breeze, and the thunder to whisper.. He inspires me to love myself.
He called me Snowflake.
I pushed and pushed and pushed harder and he never budged. I screamed and he smiled. I threw punches and he kissed fingertips. He waited me out until I deserved Him, just to tell me that he couldn't promise me anything anymore. There were moments, the moments before I uncurled my fingers.. where it felt like the journey was wasted..there was, in fact, no pot of gold. I had spent that ages ago, he said. There were other moments were it felt as if he had committed an inhumanly unselfish act. He had sacrificed a slice of his sanity to pull my struggling soul from the waves of the ocean I loved. His nurturing has transformed this worm into a woman, not for his self. Not for his own pleasure, but for mine. So that I could live life fully, with pride and accomplishment. He said live life loud lacy, live life loud.
I love you for what you've done.
I love you for who've you've allowed me to be. and who you inspired me to become.
I gave up the ghost yesterday. I just took a long, ragged breath..and..just.. gave it up.
Afterward: She sits contemplating the sky. Wondering if the next 1000 miles will be the same without him.