I really thought this year was going to be different....

This time of year has never been good for me, its always been such a downer.. Nothing has ever gone right.

Christmas has never been a big thing, and New Years is just another day. My Birthday is the worst of them all though.

When I was younger, sometime in the lower grades, I can't quite remember which one, I had a friend named Johnathan. He was my friend from kidnergarten and everything, well he ended up dieing of a bloodclot in his brain, I had givin him his christmas present and he was completely fine. When we went back to school I was taken off to the side and they told me he died. He died December 31st, my birthday.

Since then it just really hasn't been a special day for me...

Then last year my grandfather died, and my grandmother had given up on living. She ended up dieing in the hospital December 31st aswell..

Its sad, and I still think of them both alot...

I had really thought this year was going to be different. I had met a wonderful friend, and it ended up her birthday was the same day as mine... I thought for once, I would celebrate the day of my birthday, have a friend to be with, but I guess it is just not ment to be. I'm sitting here kind of sick to my stomach, just depressed like crazy... I don't know what to do with myself, it hurts. I can't eat, I can't sleep....