Oh how real you really are and by God does is sucks! It sucks to have to sit here and look at the countless photos of others enjoying their life and capturing such wonderful memories on film. I mean yeah life can't be peaches and cream for everyone all the time, and I know I can just not go on Facebook, but come on my life doesn't even come close and that my friend is where the depression part kicks in. I don't even have the ability to produce such memories because I never get to make them. I mean what fucking line was I standing in when God was distributing talents, personalities, gifts, brains and everything else?  I guess I was somewhere between nothing and shyness, however, I know for sure I was first in line for a number of serious mental illnesses. lol I know for sure God or who ever wasn't going to make me miss out on that one that for sure.

I feel so stuck at this point in my life, however, I know I have to act fast because I am running out of time. But its going to be like jumping from one block if ice to another and I afraid that I am for sure going to fall off once I do make my jump. Everything has become such a disappointment and I really don't see hope in anything really, yet I know I have to move on and find my way. But I don't know what to do because I can't find a place to move, I don't make enough money nothing is working out and time is running out. I am beginning to feel so overwhelmed, I found myself in tears at work while I was scrubbing the countless backed on pots and pans. The pile of dishes plus having no one to help me made me realize how alone I really am in everything I do. Sadly at this point I honestly feel like ran-shaking my roommates house in such of one of their countless guns, holding it to my head and blowing myself away. (Seems about the best bet at this point to be honest). I just don't what to do anymore... and just  don't know what to think.