Well, my day went from okay to just shitty. I had asked my boyfriend if I could grab a beer last night with a cop we both know (yes a guy). He said no. So, that was fine. He is still pissy about me just asking today.

I don’t know if anyone has ever felt like this or not but, I feel too full of emotion. There’s just everything rolling around inside me. Anger, sadness, hate, love, desperation,  even nothing. The nothingness feels like a black hole sucking out all that is good left in me. I don’t even understand how I can feel everything and nothing at the same time….It’s so strange, like I’m waiting to explode, or implode, at any moment.

I don’t really know what else to write right now….So, here’s a song….

30 Seconds To Mars

“The Kill”

What if I wanted to break?

Laugh it all off in your face?

What would you do?

What if I fell to the floor?

Couldn’t take this anymore?

What would you do, do, do?

Come, break me down.

Bury me, bury me

I am finished with you.

What if I wanted to fight?

Beg for the rest of my life?

What would you do?

You say you wanted more.

What are you waiting for?

I’m not running from you.

Come, break me down.

Bury me bury me

I am finished with you.

Look in my eyes.

 You’re killing me, killing me

All I wanted was you.

I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change.

 I know now, this is who I really am inside.

I finally found myself, fighting for a chance.

I know now, this is who I really am!

Come, break me down!

Bury me, bury me!

I am finished with you, you, you!

Look in my eyes, you’re killing me, killing me!

Come break me down!
(bury me, bury me)

Come break me down!

(bury me bury me)

What if I wanted to break?

What if I, what if I, what if I……..