| My Life in a Nutshell |
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If you could be anywhere else right now, where would it be, and what would you be doing?
well, the theme today it Mon. I would be staying home today. doing nothing. Well it been a while since I just started to feel life is not quite same since I used to have chance to talk to someone daily , now it like No body seems to care about me personally and I am afraid of that , Tim Jackson as called " Hulk" has been visiting him and I felt badly because when I see him act that way , I just don't know what to say to someone. So my Internet acted funny lately it was because Outside, anyway I had mowed the grass today , and so I used shell credit card, for snack and I don't have a job really and I have not been volunteering lately. Sigh my life seems so hard . I miss Matthew way he was alive and living his apartment now he is nursing home , He is not happy where he is living in a condition. but He has to accept that . he looking at the museum  sigh that why I miss way he was. these are sadist things That My mom did like him and it was hurtful could have great relationship with ichthyology. but sigh. I am in a house , I am doing pretty good I just find myself special about no more worry , and now I felt see. Why Did god do this to me ? because he love me personally and He just made it happen, The feeling was hurt badly because he came back and Now he just did not realize that half of his body is just way destroyed but He was alive whole time, but after that third stroke. I can not describe a words to deaf people , how they feel , they are supportive friend for me . I just wish my mom see things clearly because I do love him. but How can she not understand that why she says things How lucky I am not married sigh I wanted have a husband a family and wanted to experience things but sigh Matthew threw away all the dream that hurts , now it is past . Sigh He is alive and Sigh I don't have to be able to take care of him. it like sigh too much responsibility because that why It was not my choice it was his sister choice . they love him as brother . Family came first for his life. Sigh . I would not be where I would end up in a new place I love my home town and I seems can not find a job out there and I just do not know where I am going . but for me I would be at the quiet place where I get away from everyone but I can not do this . I tried to share with friends about me . it made me feel alto of fears that I do I was sleeping on couch twice today so tired so . I probably woke up middle night from dreams one dream dream about the road we drive on a hill , and all sudden it was a machine that takes as a wheel , and so sigh it was frighten but I did not know it was memory but or something In certain about it . anyway . I was re scan a picture and It was not hard . to do , it bring back memories wanted to share with others .
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