| My Life in a Nutshell |
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What a wonderful time with my family today . I just had good time and They came at noon . I was helping vacuum the house before arrival and so
I am thinking of my old sweetie who I really know it is hard to believe with out him with us this year and I am thankful for that it like last year x-ma's of all of us together and It really hurts me with out him. I am thankful that I am just feeling being replaced although that it was not the same ever since. I am aware of why I am moving on and family fear of thinking is that okay ? I guess one person had stood up on me. but her words is strong and I know that . How can she figure things out on her own ? She's my sister and I can do nothing about it. One thing I always learned is that it seems that way time will come soon . I haven't written to him lately nor post on Face Book about him. Not able to say any words how ? I don't know . I am looking at him like I am still love with him. He maybe feel sadness in his life right now because of me. Why he stay alive so long why he come back for any reason at all ? I could not take it lightly for a reason and so does his sister too . I think of her lots lately and Maybe one reason it is like hard choice and it not easy either for both of us love him so much . He was able to have the dream to come true but why he throw it all away ? So much to understand myself. How is my mother taking from this ? But she love me of course. I just don't know how to cope this for a while but I know it is not way I feel new love in my heart ? or am I doing it wrong ? I fear it was mistake before doing any future for me to think it okay to be shared with friends but God knows it when I need to learn what he wanted out of my relationship with him. I hear so many ways they are thankful for what they felt is what they had experienced as we said something today at our table and our blessing . I just am sorry for allowing myself go to far .. It like the last conversation we had talked on video phone before anything went wrong. He was worried about what would had happen to me is fact yea He hurt me made me suffer for a while beside I helped him through everything that I have done to save his life and family knew how special I was . How god did touch my heart . How I know something bad had happen to him . Stroke is like happen to many people through that . It seems like new chapter to myself with someone that I did long time ago and written a letter to someone, Met at deaf camp in 1994 and lost in touch quite 15 yr later and it like he is deaf and not married nor no children , His parent is nice and family also . I am like doing the quite same chapter but differ story of that new way how I can keep it healthy this time. But I am wondering maybe confused by two days ago and was so emotional also stressful for something that The news I heard was why. and so . well I am off to bed and will have new chapter story to write more. hugs
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