well, ill start by telling you about myself. im presently 20 on feb. 10, 2007. i have two beautiful kids with a woman named lillian. we've been off and on for about 7 years now. we're currently trying to work things out but it doesnt seem like its working.

the last past year of my life has been hell, lillian left me for a good friend. then she toyed with my emotions enough to do something stupid enough where i pulled a gun on her. i cant beleive it myself but i regret every moment i think of it. that event happened in october. then later that month i begin to talk to my best friend sasha. everything was good, i was moving on and she was to until one day i got a call from sasha's mom. mom was crying pain. she told me my best and only friend had died in a car accident. i left lost in confused. she was the only one who understood me, she was my pilot to my plane. October 19 she passed away. i never got to say bye or anything. i had a horrible birthday on october 28th. i was with lillian the mother of my two kids and i had friends around me but it felt like no one could compare to her. maybe, its cause i never got to know her all the way...i dont know but i can say, i love her and will always. on with the story about me, on christmas day, her family and i attempted to have dinner at her house. her family blow up over the whole gun situation and left.

now, llian and i are trying to work things out for the kids and us. i love her with all my heart but i think shes still in love with brain. brian's her best friend whom he use to talk to but doesnt now (or so she says). they had a thing going and she was in love with him and the end of last year sept-jan. now im having a hard time in my life cause im joining the air force and leaving. lillian and i discussed getting married and her response was no, she doesnt want to be. but i think theres more behind it then what she says. she says she loves me and wants to be with me one minute but the next minute she doesnt want to hear my voice and wants to be left alone. its confusing. we've been though alot and we've been to together sense 8th grade. this is on my second year in college. yeah, we've had our ups and downs but somehow we always manage to end up together. i love her but she only loves me sometimes or so it feels. im not sure what to do, shes the love of my life and i only want to be with her but how can i be with you if i think youre thinking about someone else.