|Throwin' D'z since 1985.....|
My god....Taco Bell is......amazing..It's like Jesus is back there sprinkling little bits of heaven inside my crunch wrap...
It's abeen a while since I have givin a update to the internet world...
1. I am getting married!!!!! My wonderful then girlfriend asked me on a beach trip we took with one of our bestfriends!...On the beach...at night...just like I wanted...The rinf is NOT gody..I didn't want that shit. I lose stuff way to fucking easy to warrent me having something of real monatary worth on my hand. She lost hers in the damn sea the next day....ha....very sad but perfect for her and I!
2. I went to the hospital.I had a nervous breakdown (I guess if thats what you call it) right before I came back to Tallahassee. It was bad..at the hight of it I thought I could here a fucking pin drop...I was praniod as fuck. I was having really weird thoughts and I cryed for about two days thinking I was going to become my mother. It was lots of fun. A learning exprence for both Mel and I. I came back to Tally and went to the hospital once Mel got up here a few weeks later. I am now on meds which are doing JACK SHIT for my moods or my being praniod of everything pretty much. I am very scread of being like my mother who was paraniod skizo. I pray everyday that that's not my fate. I am trying my best to except that I am NOT like her...I am simply a product of a shitty childhood (like most...). *Whew....* I feel like crying now even. I hate being alone and everyday Mel has to work...someone has got to pay for everything...I don't really feel strong enough to work...or go to school, but indeed I have to do both.
3. Rachel is now our roomate. We have a new place. It's pretty sweet...kinda in the hood...which bothers no one. Infact....Mel and I sorta feel at home. Our inner blacks our free!...ha.
4. Rachel is in the hospital right now as a matter of fact...for the 2nd time in 2 months. She is pretty sad and her condition is not really getting better. I am pretty sure she is ready to give up. I know she is strong however...and there is always a way out. That way does not have to inculde the use of a razor...
5. Mel got a shiny new car. Her dream car infact!...Go baby...
There is alot more. I can't really think of all of it..but thats the jist. I am trying to feel better...and not be so inside myself. I truly feel like giving up sometimes. Sometimes I don't see a end to all this pain and depression. The meds I am on I am pretty sure are making everything worse. No one wants to here me on that one. They just think I need to add Welbutorn (spelling?) to the mix. Uh, not so much man. I think effxor is not my cup of tea......
But...a las...it is my medication I take every mourning.....and every day I feel wrose...and sadder and more depressed and more fucking dependent on people to be around so I don't feel like I am going insane.
I took the MMPI...and it said I have two type of depression, one being a kinda that is underlying and the other being a Major deppersion. I also have G.A.D which I am sure most the world has. I also took a test that said I was ever so slighlty histronic. Forgive my lack of being able to spell. Finally I took this trama test to gauge...uh...trama?
It said I had pretty bad trama...PTSD infact.
I guess something that is neat about those test ....is they can tell if you lying.Which I did not....
The doctor was like..."I can tell you didn't lie on this test."
More to come I am sure.