so.. Lately I've been thinkin a lot about what I want in life and what I want to do with my life.. One thing is for sure and that is that I have to stop living my life for the people around me and start to live it for myself. Yall were right about that. It's jus.. It's so hard to do that right now in my life because I still live w/ my parents. I don't have the money to support myself and i'm only at a community college and i'm not going to transfer out for another year so I still have to obey my parents and do what they want me to.. If not i get yelled and B*tched at... especially about the stupidest things.. Like right now in my life they (more my mother than neybody else) HATE my boyfriend.. My mom hates the idea of me dating him.. Her reason is that he is ugly and she thinks that I can do better. She say's that I need to date around and not get serious n blah blah blah... but I'm going to keep dating him. I mean yah it suxs that I don't have their ok about it and that they try to limit me on how much i can see him and hang out w/ him and that anytime I hang out with him i get yelled at and fussed at n told how stupid i am... but i guess thats something I just have to deal with. Honestly, I put up with it because Kev (my boyfriend) means so much to me and he is amazing. I have never met someone who is so carring and understanding about things. He's honestly everything I have ever wanted in a guy.. He's a goofball n clumsy like me... Loves to watch sports n joke around n have fun... We can sit on the couch for hours just talking n laying there.. We don't even turn on the tv... It's great... We don't fuss or fight. We just like to be with each other and we laugh so much... He isn't just my boyfriend but he has become my best friend. Somebody that I can talk to about prac neything and know that he won't judge me.. Thats something I have never had... I have never had a best friend.. I've had close friends... but a best friend is something completely different.. Its amazing and I don't wanna lose that... So i  reckon i'll jus deal w/ my mom's fussing... I would talk to him about it n see what he says but i'm not going to let him know... I can't do that... It'd break my heart to say something like that to him.. So this is a battle that i'll fight on my own... I just wish there was some way to open up my moms eyes n get her to see him the way I do... but she's hardheaded n once she thinks something theres no changing her mind. Thats for sure!!!

Neyways.. back to the sbj... I have been thinking lately what I want to do in life, places I wanna go, n all kinds of other stuff.. I have started to make a list.. this is what I have so far..

I wanna skydive... Learn how to skateboard,Wakeboard,Wakeskate....I wanna learn how to do ballroom dancing and swing dancing... I wanna travel as much as possible and go all over the world... I want to kiss in the rain.. I want to go on adventures and exploring... One day I want to pack a suitcase n jump in my car and just start driving and go wherever the road takes me-Doesn't matter where... I want to model... I want to change somebodys life for the better... I want to be someone that people look up to and can depend on... I want to live out in the country w/ tons of land with nothing but trees n flowers... not many neighbors or lights... (so at night u can go lay out in the yard n look up at the stars).. I want to have 3 kids... Technically have 2 and adopt one.... One day I would like to possibly get a tattoo that has MEANING to it... I want to live my life without regret or lies... I want to be spontaneous n live in the moment... I want to have a "real" orgasim.... (which i'm still a virgin so reckon that won't happen till i have sex... but i've done other stuff n jus faked it...) theres some other things too... I jus can't think right now... I'll add on to the list later... one things for sure tho... When I thought about all the things I want 2 do in life one thing came to mind... and that one thing was Kevin... I've thought about all the things I wanna do and when I do he comes to mind because I can see myself doing all of these things w/ him.. I want to... I can picture us doing them together now and Its kinda scary cause I am gettin really close to this guy... But to know I feel this strongly towards him is a great feeling!!!!

but i'm gna do some more work n stuff... i'll write more later... hope you all have a great day!