...ha, ha, ha. First entry of journal: "oMgzZZ I'm lyke so exxcited for my NEW jOB!!" (yeah, exaduration, but still.) Today's entry: "I quit." Well, not so much as *quit* as "got the hint". I am NOT cut out for that. I just can't. Sorry. I can't. Knocking on peoples doors, interrupting their dinner, and asking for their money. It's a tough job. And I'm not even that crazy about the organization itself to tell you the truth. I mean, yeah the fight for clean environment and blah blah but they're all just a bunch of hippies with a "higher than thou" attitude. They looked at me funny. Forgive me for bathing regularly and being tan and blonde. I had to walk 4 hours in the rain, knocking knocking knocking. I said, "I'm not cut out for this", and she immediately said "I understand". BUT, she was very nice, I guess they expect it. Actually, hardly anyone who goes through the training program actually MAKES the staff. This, I did not know. Some are disqualified and some drop out. If I had stayed, I'd give it....... two weeks, MAXIMUM, before I had a manic/panic/psychotic breakdown from it. Just like the other "job" I had one time. I was feeling very... worthless. Very disheartened. I had been so proud of myself for even getting into something. And My parents were happy. But when I told dad tonight he was really, really glad. He said he supported me but he didn't like it he worries about my safety and he says its a horrible job and its stressfull and tough and he'd rather me have more fun. So I feel relieved that its not just "Thats okay" but "Thats really good!" So... I guess I'm not letting anyone down. Maybe myself a little... I was just happy to have thought of myself as something... whatever. I am NOT cut out for that sh*t. Sigh. Smile:) Smoke. NJ's with her new girlfriend. Bitch. What can I say? "Put your girl friends before your girlfriends?" HAHA. Naw, I'll give her her space. At least SOMEONE is in the throes of young love. However, I do miss the girl. Wish she were around more. We were 24/7 living in a dorm together but then life had to come break some shit in the universe. I talked to Jonny tonight. HE actually initiated contact with ME. I really want to go to Houston and visit him. AND ALEX!!! (no, wait, he's coming here in a few weeks!) But, this weekend, my familys coming up... but I WAS GOING TO GO IN THIS WEEKEND. Mothereffers. It's Melissa's birthday on Saturday. So I need to remind them... I'm tiiired. Goodnight.