|One Man Standing|
For the past few months now the question of whether I'm going back to jail or not has been hanging over my head, buggin' the shit outta me. I've called three or four times and each time someone new said that they would get back to me, and so far no one did.
Yesterday I found out I have two warrents out. One for that probation violation and one for a meeting that I was supposed to attend as part of probation. No one told me about this meeting. So I went straight to the court house and explained that I tried calling a couple times in March, couple times in April, once in May and once last month too, and every time I did I was told I had a new probation officer, and every time the new officer told me to check in later. Annie vouched for me. It's nice because she's not married to me and I guess technically she's not even my girlfriend. And she's very level headed: the probation officer I get to deal with gave her a whole world of attitude and she was very calm, relaxed, polite and sure of herself. I think after a while the probation officer was irritated by the way Annie was so calm, sure and honest - she didn't let him fluster her one bit.
Wow, even when talking about my other issues in life I still catch myself rambling about Annie. I don't talk about her much in my real life so when I come here it's like opening the flood gates.
Anyway, I get to reman. I'm thinking it's gonna happen next week. That asshole probation officer is trying to nail me for two probation violations because the probation violation will only put me away for three months, but a second violation will put me away for at least six. Why do probation and paroll officers go out of their way to make sure people get thrown back into custody as often as possible and for as long as possible? Save the fuckin' beds for child molesters, rapists and murders, you dickehads.
So I don't know how long I'll be gone. When I told Annie about it yesterday she came running, just to spend time with me, just in case I was going to be snatched up immediatly. I wasn't, I have a court date set for next week. After we figured all that out we hit up Taco Bell (guilty pleasure for both of us) and we spent the whole night watchin' TV and just hangin out. Somewhere around two in the morning we'd just finished watching West Coast Choppers and she asked me if she could just spend the night with me. I said of course, any time. She doesn't ever have to ask, she can just curl up and fall asleep, but I think she likes knowing that I'm happy that she's staying the night. She likes to hear it, even if she knows it. I don't mind telling her that I'm happy to have her around.
She fell asleep with her head resting very lightly on my shoulder. When the two of us woak up our legs were intertwined. I'm not used to waking up all wrapped up in someone else...it was nice.
I'm going to miss her very much when I'm all caged up. She told me that she'll come visit me as often as she's allowed to, which is three days a week where I'm going. I hope she will, I'm gonna need her softness to counter-balance all the hard-ass testasterone I'm going to be surrounded by. One big sausage-fest. Goody.
Part of me wonders if Annie will find someone else. She has this ex-boyfriend that's been sniffing around lately, being all charming, telling her he misses her friendship. I try to ignore it but I really want to cave that guy's face in. I hate him for taking advantage of Annie only to break her heart by abandoning her. I hate him for being so fucking charming in such phoney ways. That motherfucker better leave Annie alone. She told me she ignores him for the most part. I believe she isn't interested in him anymore. I don't believe that he's gonna leave her alone. Which makes me tempted to go have a little chat with Romeo before I'm stuck in a box.
Speaking of abandonment, I remember once, in a great time of need, Annie looked me in the eyes and told me that she would never abandon me. She tells me we can get through anything together. She tells me she'd never leave me. I guess if ever there was a test of that it's this reman bullshit. Although in my heart I know that if I get boxed up on Monday, comes Wednesday Annie will be right there, waiting to visit me on the first oppertunity that comes along.
I hope so. I'm going to miss seeing her every day. I know I won't be gone forever, but it's really gonna feel that way.