|Let you blow my mind....|
I think I'm done with numbered entries. It's a new me. A very different me from the me that was writing here 3 years ago, that's for sure. Things have.... I hesitate to say.... changed.... maybe they've just progressed? I'm not sure. Either way. I'm not the same girl I was then. In some ways I wish I was. I wish I was blind and naieve and lost. Now I'm just pessimistic and wise to things and lost. Haha. I'm exaggerating but never the less.
I'm still married. That's an amazing feat in itself. i'm not sure if it's going to get better and remain. Or if it will get worse and dissolve. Lately it's been this stagnant rut of we fight for half the week and get along for half the week and so half the week I want to pack his shit and send him on his way and the other half the week I wonder why it can't always be like this. And It's him. I hate saying it so confindently like I am not to blame. But it is him. All him. I've done Everything I can think of other than becoming a mindless, lifeless, unfeeling person...
I went to counseling. I changed some things. I lost some wieght. I went to the doctor. I took pills. I stopped taking pills. I got new hobbies. I encouraged him to get hobbies. I don't even know. I've tried talking. Not talking. I've tried to get him to come to counseling. It's just... Not... working. He won't go to counseling. He doesn't beleive in it.
I said I'd never leave him. Or cheat on him. But things have gotten bad. And there have been... Adventures. Ups and downs. I'll talk about them in due time.
Right now I'm writing this entry from an Airport. I'm on my way to Las Vegas. I realy am looking forward to my Vegas Vacation. I'm staying in a hotel by myself but my friend is staying at a nearby hotel and we're going to enjoy ourselves. It'll be good. She is renting a car so we can shop and stuff. Yep. Fun times. :)
I'm off work until the 15th of April. So that's nice. I plan on relaxing and taking some time to myself. We'll see if that actually happens though...
I'll update later. Maybe with pictures.