It's just barely past 8:15pm and I'm in bed.

I turn 30 tomorrow.  Two words:  Holy crap.

I just spent the last 30 minutes or so (oh, did I mention I actually got into bed at 7:45pm?) looking through my old entries.  Of course I lost a lot of them in the Great Diary Hack of 2004.  Mostly my engagement and trip to Australia.  Those of you have been around for the duration remember that stuff.  I lost a lot of entries during an import as well when I scrapped my first diary after Emma died.  Not only did some entries not transfer over, but 95% of them have been cut short, like mid-sentence half way through the entry.  I've held on to them, but I think it's time for them to go.  I'm starting a new decade of my life.  Again: Holy crap.

I was thinking about the last 10 years of my life and a lot has happened.  And I am going to attempt to remember where I was for my birthday over the last 10 years.

May 28, 2002: I was in my summer semester at BYU-Idaho.  I was MISERABLE.  The good news about this time though was that I was about to meet Andrew for the first time in person.  Andrew actually confirmed his tickets for his trip over on his birthday, which had been May 23, 2002.  I turned 20.

May 28, 2003: I was working at Capitol Yamaha.  My grandpa died.  Life was all over the place for me.  I turned 21.

May 28, 2004: I was still working at Capitol Yamaha, but was at the Folsom store.  I had nothing but trouble with Eric and The Truck.  I was preparing to go to Australia for 3 months.  I turned 22.

May 28, 2005: I was still working at Capital Yamaha.  I went to my best friend's wedding.  My coworkers took me to a strip club and they paid for me to have a lap dance.  I can't hear the song "Girls Girls Girls" without flushing bright red ... even still.  I was 7 months and 1 day away from my wedding.  I turned 23.

May 28, 2006:  I was working at Pavilions Dental Group.  It was my first birthday as a married woman!  Andrew sent me on an incredible scavenger hunt that ended with a picnic in Carmichael Park.  I turned 24.

May 28, 2007: I was working full time for Emma.  It was my first birthday as a MOM!  Andrew was at AIT and I was living at Mom's house.  I turned 25.

May 28, 2008: I was living the dream in Arizona at our first duty station.  For our birthdays, Andrew and I went up to Tucson for a few days and had some quality adult time.  I turned 26.

May 28, 2009: I have absolutely no idea what birthday was this year.  It is a complete blank.  We were in Arizona, Sophie was about 8 months old.  I know she was in the hospital at the beginning of May of 2009.  But my birthday is a COMPLETE blank.  Given the time of year and the fact that we were approaching the 1-year anniversary of Emma's death, I'm guessing that's why it's a blank.  I turned 27.

May 28, 2010: My golden birthday, celebrated at Fort Rucker, Alabama.  We went miniature golfing with our neighbors.  I turned 28.

May 28, 2011: I was in California, helping Mom recover from her surgery.  Extremely uneventful.  I turned 29.

May 28, 2012: I have no idea how to say Happy Birthday in German and I'm too lazy to click over to Google Translate to look it up.  That's how much I care.

When you think about all the stuff that happened inbetween those birthdays, a lot has happened in the past 10 years.  I moved away from home for the first time.  I got engaged and then married.  I buried my grandpa, grandma, uncle, and aunt.  I had 3 beautiful children and buried one of them.  I have lived in 4 different states and a different country.  I can't even begin to fathom what the next 10 years are going to have in store for me.  While I was closing up my windows and putting clothes away, it dawned on me that 10 years from now, Sophie will be 13 and JJ will be 11.  Andrew and I will have been married for 16 years.  We will have more than likely moved 3 to 4 more times.  Andrew will be 4 years away from being able to retire at 20 years in military service, should we stay in.  And that's just the obvious stuff.  

I was trying to think of what I want to accomplish in the next 10 years.  What do I want to accomplish in my 30's?  What do I want my 40 before I'm 40 list to be?  I need to think on that some more.  

Tomorrow, my plans are simple.  I'm getting a manicure and pedicure at Franken-Therme, which is apparently an awesome German day-spa.  I'm going to softball practice in the afternoon.  And no, I'm not rethinking the manicure.  Even if it only lasts a few hours, I'll be happy :D  I hope to hear from Andrew at some point tomorrow, but I'm not going to hold my breath.  Things are way crazy over there and I'll hear from him when I do.  

I'm 30 tomorrow.  

Holy crap.