|Real Military Life Drama!|
Well, nothing new really.
I don't know what's going on. I honestly am trying to stay optimistic and think that Rob's just busy but I don't know what the hell is going on. I really am trying. It just seems more distant every time. I don't know how to handle that. I really don't. I'm starting to get all sorts of worries again. Worries about what I'd do if we were over, or worries about him being unhappy...and why.
I don't know why I let myself think this way. I guess I wouldn't if he was a bit more reassuring at times. I can't just flat out tell him "i feel like you're becoming really distant, and if it's something that i've done i need to know so that i can make it right" because if it really is just him being really busy...then he's going to think i never just take his love as it is and not make it into a situation. I don't want to be that wife.
The message I got from him today was about four sentences. I'm not even kidding. He read my message yesterday but didn't send me one back. He said in his message that he was meaning to write me last night, but never got around to it. Yeah. Honestly that's what it said. Then he said that he was going to be busy all night long, so he would try and send a message when he got up tomorrow afternoon. Which is tonight or tomorrow morning for me. Whenever he gets around to it. I kinda think that he won't. i wouldn't be surprised.
I'm starting to get really aggrivated. and annoyed. I hope that he's not acting distant and that he's not unhappy with me. Because I just don't know what else to do. I've been sending him message that are happy and upbeat. Asking him questions about things that he would actually want to talk about like buying a gun, and his job...and stuff like that...but I didn't even get a response. I wish I could have the will power to just send him a message when i "get around it." not wanting to do it every second of the day. I guess that's where we're different. I can't live without him, and he can't seem to find time to FORCE himself to communicate with me.
That chick he was hanging out with is supposed to be gone already. I hope she is. Honestly. That still really pisses me off. Sometimes I really hate this life. And I just want him home all the time so we could annoy each other. The longer I have by myself, the more time I have to think about all the things that "could" be going on, or "could" be wrong. That it's killing me.
He's supposed to be home in about two weeks. I hope that is true. At least once he's home I'll know if something is going on. If he's acting funny I'll know it. I will. He'll have to communicate with me, and he won't be able to ignore me...so if something is going on I'll know it. I'm worried about it though.
I don't want to be super excited and pumped for him to come home, when he's not. I don't want to be disappointed and let down. I really don't.
I love this man more than life itself. I just can't take him acting like this much longer. The distance is killing me. And if he's going to send a message...put some substance in it. I tell him "if you can't write a long message just send anything so that i have something to read..." but that's getting annoying now.
I probably shouldn't freak out and look so much into it. He says I love you, you're my everything in just about every message. But for some reason I'm feeling something different. I hope not. We'll see.
He's supposed to send a message within the next 24 hours, and call within the next 48 hours. So hopefully I'll have something good to report. We shall see!