|Sun and Rain|
i dunno how the thoughts in my head got so chaotic! they re makin me ill! Last night i took some pills to sleep.my heart keeps pounding and its damn bleeding.I need someone who has been through that! i need a therapist to explain for me wuts goin on in my fucked up brain!
From one point of view, i hate the fact that dad left me and went:( and i duno if that took me to the conclusion of i
Don't wanna go through this pain again so i'd better leave m. now :S...
from another point of view, dad sayin goodbye to mom broke my heart, i saw her cryin her eyes out.So i
don't think i believe in couples anymore!!!it always ends up fucked up and everythin bad no matter how much they love each other and after it i started rememberin how i ended my relationships with everyone and im freakin out bcuz id do the same thing to m.
actually im angry too...i'm angry at dad bcuz he left.i'm angry at micho bcuz he can't help me out when i screamed out for help! i'm angry at myself because i can't help myself neither and i can't controle myself! i always counted on micho and this is the first time hes speachless and unable to be there! Partly i miss bein me with him.and from another point of view i really need to understand what im goin thorugh!
what i know is that im deeply hurt! and i dunno if its bcuz dad left or that im feeling left alone! or bcuz i have the feelin i need to break up with micho. all of my life i counted on him to help me out and this is the first time he can't! i always considered us to be special nd for the first time i feel that we r like any other couple! like he's like all my exes! its like he's no longer my best friend bcuz he can't help me out!( see its all complicated and everytime i reviele smth i feel better but its too complicated) he is my best friend but his dad died like a year ago and he kinda kept it in and he doesn't wanna talk about my dads traveling thing cuz he doesnt wanna open the wound(i thiink so:S im not sure its just my theory).
i know that when i hug him i feel safe (not happy though) b4 i used to feel both.im angry at everyone and everything!
i need serious help bcuz i have a wounded heart and i dunno how to heal it! they say time heals it! but i might bleed to death b4 its time!
i just want my old life back! i need to smile again when im around micho:S he's like the only one i couldnt tell him everythin and everyone tried to figure it out with me but he couldnt talk!