| \m/ >.< \m/ Rock On! |
|---|
|
7:20am Im running off less then two hours of sleep. I had a night. I got laid. It was amazing. Good gawd I had weak knees and everything afterwards. I was weak for a long time afterwards as well..... Im just sitting here now going....WTF? Now what? I NEVER expected that in a million years................ Damn......Im just still going...wow...WTF? Ok this is how it went down..... after the game we get some TJ's and watch Family Guy presents Blue Harvest....then we just start talking and stuff and some how the convo got to how I got a new bed she was joking about how she was going to steal it and i dunno how or what was said but we both jump up to claim the bed as ours individualy.... From there it was just kinda a blurr.....It was late and we were falling asleep talking so I just said she could stay and leave in the morning...then she...not I...she started it....it took along time before we...yeah...cause we were both like...whoa....should we?? Shouldnt we??? but eventually we both gave in......even she said this is crazy.....She said its been at least a year...boy did it feel like it...jeeze.... Yeah....wow....Its been since Thanksgiving night Since I last got laid...... its...it.....dunno....crazy...... like I said Im just sitting here going WTF??? Ok...Im going to go drink my coffee sit here at work and go.....whoa....
11:45pm Christ...Im sitting here going...what the hell did I do last night.... I wasnt even looking for that last night.......I had sworn off girls for now.....My plan was to call the game, go home and go to bed...then she showed up..... That was...I dunno the biggest supprise.... You know maybe that quiz I took on facebook last night said it all......drowning in the poisons of life.... *sigh* I guess I just wasnt thinking last night....thinking took a hike....it was more caught up in the moment kinda stuff.....when I dont think it gets me into trouble but when I do think it gets me into trouble.... Good lord....vicious circle.... Even last night before we....yeah.....we both looked at each other and went this is crazy....like hardcore crazy....then we kinda agreed to not think about it just caught up with the moment..... Maybe the reason I did it is that it was just so wrong, just so evil and thats why it was....so hot good lord...a true guy answer there.... Good lord why do I feel so guilty....she broke up with me in favor of other guys....for the partying and other guys.... Maybe I should just drown in the poisons of life...........it seems thats the way its going to go for me.....I maybe should just accept it but I dont wanna be swallowed up by it.....but it seems thats the way things keep pointing towards for me...... Gawd now I keep thinking about the fall out thats prolly going to happen from this.......and how much right now Im going to care....but not going to really show that I care... I guess thats really it....I just dont really care about myself anymore......I know shit is bad....but I just dont care....cause I dunno...it just feels like no one really cares for me.... Gawd I dunno....this is just......I dunno...Im writting out my thoughts cause Im trying to understand this and understand myself......trying to understand anything..... I keep going back and forth from feeling guilty and just not caring....
You must be an Open Diary member to leave notes on this diary.
Hide Note Window
|
