Just some random thoughts today. I don't have the brain functionality to try to put together sentence structure or to form a cohesive, flowing dialogue.

My son's band concert last night was awesome. I could have done with much less talking by the band coordinator lady. Swear to God, that woman is infatuated with the sound of her own voice. The music selections were great, for the most part. Didn't care for the Symphony Band's choices. Too slow and quiet for a gymnasium full of 5th-12th graders and all their families. Almost put me to sleep and reminded me painfully of Shirley Lewis and the song that does not end. Jazz Band (which my son is in) was exceptional at the end. Love my boy!

Reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Seems to be a lot of stereotyping of the sexes, but a lot of it makes sense to me anyway. I've been applying some of what I've learned in my conversations with V, and the results are almost frightening in comparison to the examples outlined in the book. I love self-help shit. Just take it with a grain of salt. Different strokes and all that. Whatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?

An old friend of mine popped up in SecondLife last night. I had left him a message, not really sure if the avatar I was sending it to was really him. He responded back that yeah, it was, and who was I? Hah. He ended up coming by my make-believe house and hanging out with me on the porch while we caught up with each other's real lives. I think he may have been looking for a little pixelated nookie, but that ain't happening. V's more than enough for me.

Friends of the opposite sex. Is it really because I feel like men just seems to "get" me and that most (not all!) women are catty bitches? Or is it that validation thing where I need to surround myself with guys so I can feel like a desirable woman? Do I maintain male friends on standby? I dunno. Seems like most of them just disappear when they find out there's no action coming from my direction. But some stick around and I loves them. V has a ton of female friends. I used to be jealous of that at first. Hello, pot! This is kettle. I don't know. Something I think about.

Talked to the ex on the phone today. Was probably the longest conversation we've had in over a year where I didn't feel like he was rushing to get off the phone or out of the room. Since he's been re-married, he's been a different person. Used to be really down about losing a friend. Now it's just like... eh... life goes on. Guess that's one less individual I have to worry about pleasing. Hooray for the dwindling list.

I ran out of gas a few miles from his house last winter, in 12 degrees below zero weather. Called to ask if he could bring me a gallon. He told me to wait for the courtesy van to show up. Ass. Thanks for the waste of 14 years of my fucking life. Don't ever ask me to watch your cats or pick up your mail again when you take your new and improved wifey on another vacation.

But no... I'm not bitter.

I'm wearing three shirts today because we're supposed to get hit with yet another snow storm. Ten inches, they say. I told my friend G, "Hey ten inches is good, but not of snow." After thinking about that statement, though, I retracted it. That would just fucking hurt. Seriously. Bigger is not always better.

Hooray for Friday, bitches! I usually roll out of here at 4:00 pm on Fridays and have the entire weekend to just chill. Hah, I sound ghetto. No offense to the homies out there. It's all good in the hood. When S said that over Skype, I about lost it. I dunno why, but I just love that phrase. I mean, I'm down with that, yo!

I've been playing LOTRO with V. Lord of the Rings Online, for those not up on MMO-speak. It's an online game based on the works of (duh) Tolkein.  Nice, relaxing game compared to some of the others I've played. It's been a nice break from EQ2. While EQ will always be my first love, sometimes it just gets to be too much. I go into sensory overload. Playing LOTRO has been like sipping a Pina Colada on the beach in comparison. Ahhh...

Oh, and of course there's SecondLife. But V hates that, and I hate being there alone. What's the use in decorating my house with a bunch of furniture containing snuggle balls if there's nobody around to snuggle with? Lame. Doesn't stop me from logging in once in a while to see what's going on, though. I guess I'm holding out hope that he'll acquiese (not bothering with spellcheck) to spend a bit of time with me there someday. Who knows.

I may seem difficult, but I really just want to be loved. Oh, and appreciated. And cared for. And validated. And encouraged. And cherised. And adored. And... I guess I am difficult. Oh well.

Thought about taking some pictures to post in here. Not of me. I want to keep my anonymity. Well, insofar as I have it. There is one person on here who knows me. And I'm sure if anyone I knew stumbled onto my diary, they could figure it out pretty quickly. But I'm not going to post my picture and just give it away. Besides, I kinda like being able to dump my head out into text and not worry that someone's going to see me on the street and immediately call to mind my dirty laundry. Frick!

So instead, I was thinking of more innocuous pictures. Things I may want to remember. I dunno. I kinda miss a paper journal where I could be all up and creative inside it. Draw, doodle, paste in ticket stubs. Not like those pretentious scrapbooks that bored housewives spend hours and hours creating, but something looser, freer, less constrained by orderly borders and pretty cut-outs. Ok, so my sister scrapbooks. I love her to death. I'm not all down on scrapbookers. Sheesh.

Guess that's another thing that's a downer about online journaling. Even though it's my diary thingy, I still worry about offending people. Which is retarded, because at the end of the day, I really don't care who likes what I write and who doesn't. But still, that little bit inside of me cringes and says, "Oh, maybe I shouldn't call people who scrapbook pretentious." Even if I DO think they're pretentious. There's too much fucking political correctness in this world. I don't want to be a contributor to that mindset.

I wonder what the technical term is for a fear of getting your mail?

Yesterday, we had lunch early. So now, it's 11:00 am and I'm starving. I had a big breakfast, too. Well, what constitutes as a big breakfast for me. I'm used to a packet of Instant Cream of Wheat. Shut up, I like the stuff. But it's Friday, and I always stop at McDonald's on the way to take my son to school on Fridays. The last two weeks, I haven't gotten anything, but today I figured I'd try one of those fruit salads with apples, grapes, yogurt, and walnuts. Mmm.. good stuff. Topped it off with a big glass of orange juice.

True story: When I was pregnant, I worked at McDonald's for three months to furnish the nursery. I adored that job. I was the girl over the speaker on the morning shift. The owner of the place used to give me hugs and tell me how much she just loved my voice over the loudspeaker. I have one of those voices that make people all warm and fuzzy inside. Thought about doing some voice work, but eh. You know the drill. Anyway, when I worked there, I was about 6 months pregnant. Whenever I'd drink orange juice, I could feel the baby move. Nothing else, just orange juice. Weird random fact.

Think I'll head up to my parents at some point this weekend. I haven't been up there for a few weeks. I need a dose of familial love and encouragement. I wonder what K will think if I take some more things up there. Guess he'll realize this is for real, huh? Ugh. Just thinking about letting him down puts a knot in my stomach. Moving on.

The roof of my mouth is still all cut up and my throat has been off and on sore for the last two days. I'm not sure what's up. I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday, so hopefully it can wait 'til then. Nothing much going on inside my mouth, so I'm not too concerned about it yet.

Meh, time to get back to work.