So, yesterday was Johnny's memorial. I didn't know him all that well, I had met him a few times while at Kellies, but, my mother and I went. It was the first one of those events I had ever been to, and I hated it. Even not knowing him, I hated it. We were barrying his ashes, and they told a story about him. I started to tear up. Then I saw everyone ekse crying and I had to try really hard not to cry. I thought it would be weird if I cried, especially since my mother barely cried and she knew him better. Not too many people were crying because they gave it time before they barried him because Kellie's father just died a little while ago. I didn't know him either, but, I didn't go to his funeral. I was scared, and my mom didn't want me to. I felt bad for not going though. So, I hope they rest in peace.

Anyway, enough about death.

Today has been kind of weird. I've been in a grumpy all day. I woke up late this morning so I had to rush out the door, that always puts me in a bad mood. I didn't wake up enough...so I was tired. Then, I got to school and Sam tells me of her situtaion, which put me in an even worse mood. Macie has been spreading complete B.S about her. I feel so bad for Sam, she's had such a rough year, Allie, now Macie.

Mom's going to get the vehicle on Thursday, which is pretty exciting. :) I don't want to get too excited though, because it seems like every time I get really excited about something, it all goes wrong. I hate disapointment, so my sollution is to always think negatively, that way, I'm not as disapointed. *sigh* I hate being a pessamist. :(

Cassie has a boyfriend! While I'm excited for her, I also feel like she might forget about me. I know that's selfish, but, it just seems like since they've been going out, she forgets about me. I haven't told her the way I feel, I don't want her to think she's doing anything wrong, because she's not...at all. We haven't talked on the phone in about two weeks. I'm scared we're going to grow apart. I don't want her to change just because people up there are different. I don't want to lose her. I really don't. That's one of my biggest fears right now.

I'm hoping to get my liscence over the summer, that way I can go up there and pick her up and we can spend some of the summer together, because I know her Dad isn't going to driver her down here just to see me. The only thing that used to give me hope is that my sister lives in Oregon, and she's still best friends with Cara who lives here...but now I guess they're growing apart too. *sigh* I miss Cassie so much. I want her here...now.

Anyway. My birthday is in 11 days. Yay! I couldn't concentrate in Biology today. Max came in late and anouced that he got his permit...and all I kept thinking is...that's gonna be me in 11 days!(hopefully). lol.

I need a nap. .  People make fun of me for taking naps at 15, I say, at least I'm not tired at 8:00. lol. My mother, my sister and I could literally sleep for 16 hours straight...Well not my mom so much anymore. My family loves sleep...lol