I'm surrounded by too many women. My girlfriend, my mum, the women I work with. I NEED TESTOSTERONE! 

I'm looking at taking up a blacksmith course, just something part-time at the minute. I have urges to do manly things, he says on a Friday night contemplating drinking vodka and apple juice... 

I've wanted to do it since I was a kid. I love the idea of the oppressive heat, the sweat pouring off me, the fire in my muscles as the lactic acid builds up from the constant work.

Oh yeh, 50 shades of grey, or whatever the fuck it's called - you NEED to listen to this <3 enjoy

I've noticed something, too. The older I get the less tolerant of humanity I get. I think it's just where I live, but I don't want to live on this planet anymore. 

Little things are starting to annoy me. I've lost a shift at work, granted only one, but it's about £200 a month - To be honest, I'm kinda glad. I HATE working there. HATE HATE HATE IT!

Anyway, obviously losing that amount a month has effects on your social life, so there I am working out my monthly budget and I get Helen, my girlfriend, being all "woo, LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY I'M GOING TO HAVE THIS MONTH?! Isn't it awesome?" 

no.

That's my answer. I don't begrudge her, she's worked hard to get two degrees under her belt but she has to realise that money isn't everything. She's too busy counting pennies and forgetting to have fun. I went out chasing llamas a few weeks ago, she got pissed on by a dog.

Speaking of dogs, I'm buying a fish tank. 

anyway. I need to do more fun things. I'm hopefully in Paris laterthis year, as a day trip/weekend thing, and Canada in March - Helen doesn't know either of these plans, she'll only find out when I post photos to Facebook "GUESS WHERE I AM?" And there's a photo of me, in front of the Eiffel Tower, off my face on Absinth, licking frogs and rubbing my genitals with garlic to keep the underage French prostates at bay.

That'll annoy her ^__^

And then again in Canada, RIDING A BEAR! 

It's going to be a lot like this, but it'll have a lot less Abraham Lincoln and more Stewie. True story, bro.

I'm off to drown myself in vodka and apple juice, and read Batman comics FUCK YESSS!

That's if I don't get washed away in all this rain, Jesus H Christ.

Alles Liebe

xx