I’ve fallen right down the shitter again

I told them it makes me happy

To know that what happened wasn’t real

But I can’t lie to my heart or myself

It was reality to me

For once, I wasn’t living in a dream

It actually happened this time

I could have gone home and been happy

Instead I sat and cried

What did I do this time?

Something else to hurt the girl

The girl who was my best friend

I could have stopped the gentle hands

BUT I DIDN’T

That’s what kills me the most

And this time I can’t say,

“But it was only a dream”

‘Cause for once, it actually happened

I can’t run away from reality this time

Jesus didn’t give me rest like he promised

But I can’t blame him for what I did

Why did I do it?

The hands are scarred forever now

They cannot be the same again

For they made love to one girl

And caressed the body of that girl’s best friend

He expects me not to tell her

And I won’t

But only for my own selfish sake

I don’t want to lose the girl

It can’t or won’t happen again

But who’s to say

I mean I let him do it once

I may say now I will stop him

But who’s to say

It didn’t stop me before

So who’s to say

Will I ever stop the bleeding hands?