i havn't wrote in ages. i couldn't write in africa cause i couldn't find computers with internet, the place was that poor.

anyway, i am still feeling depressed but not as much. there's something happening to me which is really scary. for like a week my dad got really, really ill and i now keep thinking hes going to die. he coughs constantly then goes and smokes and i don't know why he does this to himself. this week i have felt really strange. i feeel weak and i cry over everything eventhough i am a bit more positive now, i have these times where one minuete i'm fine then when i see something that upsets me in some way, i end up fighting tears. even if i something doesn't get me upset i still find myself fighting tears for no reason. ii feel like one of these days something is going to happen to me and i don't know what. i pray every night that i go back to normal cause i have no idea what this is and how can i talk to someone, i don't know how to put it in words, i don't understand myself. i'm crying right now as i am writing this.