"Haven't you seen me sleep walking.. Cause I've been holding your hand, haven't you noticed me drifting, Oh let me tell you I am. Tell me its nothing. Try to convince me, That I'm not drowning, oh let me tell you I am" -Falling (The Civil Wars)

The past few days have been like sinking in quick sand. I keep reaching for a life line but this rock I am balancing on keeps sinking deeper and deeper down in this abyss of nothingness. Ry is all laid up with a crushed disc.. or so the doctors think but they won't do xrays. I spent three hours in the ER with him when his back went out. He's slightly mobile, still in a lot of pain. To top it off that night Micah got croup. Needless to say I haven't slept.

Nothing like listening to your infant coughing like he can't breathe and running fevers of 102-103. I'm been doing everything I can for him. Not to mention waiting on Ry hand and foot.Gage is the only one who seems to be doing alright and he has picked these two days to be a complete demon. I'm sleep deprived and I feel like taking another Valium. Though all that is going to do is make me tired. I ran around everywhere yesterday. Doctors, store, mom, his moms, store again. Then it was home to cook dinner and then bath time stuffs. Not to mention, cleaning the house, bringing in the fire wood. Splitting wood. Stocking the fire. I have burned myself three times, walked into three walls, the table six or so times. Stubbed my toe, dealt with dizzy spells that about took me down. I haven't eaten in a few days now either. I will cook dinner.. but i won't eat it. I'm took stressed and worn out to do that.

I've been spending a lot of thinking lately. Not the smartest thing for me to do since I'm in the middle of an episode again. A depression episode. I spent two days fighting with Ry because I was tired of him yelling at me, then pulling I'm sorry I can't help you card.I don't carethat he is sorry. That doesn't help me.. Just makes me more angry. When shit falls apart for me it really falls apart.

Back to work tomorrow and I'm SO not looking forward to it. My favorite person doesn't work the weekends but here's hoping he will stop by. Thats all I have for right now. I gotta go get my sickly child. He's hacking behind me, so its another steam shower for us.. One final note for someone special.. I can't help falling in love with you... Listen to Birds of a Feather by Barton Hallow.. you will understand..