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We when we begin to get to know an attractive person what should be the proper steps taken in order to get to know him/her?
We can go on impulse and just indulge in this person's company, spending every second possible together, locked in those tremendous feelings of new found passion. Most of us take this course because its intensity is too strong to ignore and often our lives need such a blissful escape from the everyday stress or boredom. We engage in endless wet kisses and embraces. One's touch makes the other shiver. The sexual contact renders atomic explosions in our minds and bodies.
Unfortunately, this sweet escape tends to dry up in time... often ending in dreadful drama. We were so consumed by the spell of being with each other believing that this great feeling was going to last forever. But life proves otherwise.
The question is why can't it last a lifetime?
I have given it some thought and came across a powerful insight... that at the beginning of this beautiful interaction we truly feel like we are separate entities. Because of this we respect each other's space and feel a deep appreciation for the fact that the other person wants to not only talk to us but also desires to lavish us with her/his affection. We have a healthy connection at this point and understand that the other person is not tied to us and can walk away at any time. Once we begin to take the other for granted that is when we lose that important respect for this person. We say "Oh he aint going no where cuz he's mine." At this point we desire to control her/him and if this person goes against our desire they will feel our wrath. THIS MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS!!!
My 5 Basic Levels of Healthy Attraction
1- Respect: this is what we should have for anyone by default. This allows us to function in a peaceful way, not invading each one's personal space. At this level we experience very little drama and we can easily get along since we are not so intertwined.
2- Admiration: while we are respecting others, from time to time we will come across another person that stands out in our eyes. S/he has some really exceptional qualities that we value and so we start to gravitate towards her/him. We may begin to have a flowering desire to interact with this person.
3- Appreciation: some of those that we admire will not grant us the time for a little interaction and so we can only admire from afar. Then there are occasions when s/he does return the attention and we feel truly appreciative of this blessing. This stage is perhaps the sweetest one. We must cherish and protect this stage with all our soul.
4- Desire/Lust: So we now have a person that we respect, admire, and appreciate. At this point, we may or may not begin to experience a chemical reaction. The hormones begin to kick in. We find ourselves wanting physical contact and to pour over an outward display of our deep/passionate desire for her/him. To get to this stage does not require much time. Some of us are more hotblooded than others. If the two of us are alike in this respect then there will be very little friction or time wasted. Otherwise, it could be a very "blue ballsy" experience for one or the other.
5- Love Connection: if given enough time to get to know each other's multiple facets, ways of thinking, habits, and plans then we are in great position to take a major step. This next level is the one of a serious commitment to continue to practice the previous 4 each day with a common vision to accomplish both important individual and couple goals. This level is rarely employed by people. It requires great focus, dedication, and awareness on both parties. This is the strongest connection that can and will pass the test of time.
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