|Welcome to my joint...|
Often, we either find ourselves or see family or friends in an unhealthy relationship and wonder how we or them get into such mess. The truth is that there is something in us that blinds us to the abuse. The signs are clear to those outside but not to us. We need to stand up against it before too much damage is done. Here is a list of these signs in case we are in doubt (hope it is helpful):
1. If they are using words like "Always" and "Never" on you. Thats a sign that they are expecting perfection. That does not exist.
2. They start sentences with "You"... Instead they should start them with "I feel", That is a way more responsible/mature thing to say.
3. Raising their voice at you means that they want to dominate you. Are we not equal?
4. Calling you names, cussing, attempting to "guilt trip" or "shame" you, being condescending, being very critical, and making fun of you are all signs that they have no clue of what is respect for someone or their selves. No doubt that they are doing the same to theirself when they make mistakes. That is just sad.
5. Stop bringing up the past. If you confess to something and they said they are either cool with it or forgave it then they shouldn't bring it up again.
6. They want to start Catagorizing / Comparing you to others? Not cool at all. They should accept you as you are or go somewhere else.
7. If they enjoy being a person that doesn't listen to another's side of things, that talks over last part of another person's sentence, constantly lecturing, monopolizing conversation with monologues), and ignores (doesn't listen to others' opinions), then that's practically sociopathic.
8. Are they a person that turns away or walks away in the middle of a conversation? Their abandonment tactic will only hurt a child and they should never do that to a kid anyways.
9. They have to stop being sarcastic, where they are mad about one thing but talk about another thing. They are confusing themselves and others with this behaviour. They need to simply express how upset they are about something without being afraid to do so.
10. Do they enjoy laughing at others, mocking them? That is a childish attempt to make you feel lesser than them. Do not let this happen.
11. Do they make demands to talk at inappropriate times. If you are busy, they must wait till you are done.
12. The Passive Manipulative Behavior (pouting, slamming doors, whining, making faces, silent treatments) has to stop. They ought to save their energy. How about they simply tell you what they are mad about and let you try to correct it if it is truly your fault! Oh and if they wanna push buttons... they should go play Xbox.
13. Hitting, throwing things, crossing others' physical boundaries, threatening with physical gestures, and physical abuse will never be tolerated.
14. They need to quit using weak argument points, interrogating, asking inappropriate questions, or giving/fishing for inappropriate secrets. You do not have to tell them everything about you even if you are married. Tell them when you are good and ready.
15. Breaking your confidence by sharing your information with a third party is not OK.
16. Threatening statements (or behavior), blackmailing by saying "or else ", giving ultimatums, have strings attached to their gifts, or any severe conditional love ("I'll marry you, if you . . . . ") are not welcomed. If they cannot accept where you are at then what is stopping them from going about their way???
17. They should not take your inventory or property. Major violation!
18. Lying and breaking promises repeatedly is another way of saying "I don't care about hurting your feelings". That is a deal breaker!!!
19. Not going to be supportive emotionally and neglect your needs? Another deal breaker.
20. They are going to continue to be disrespectful/rude, be pushy, and won't take "no" for an answer? Then tell "Peace! See you later."
21. Giving you advice not asked for is not welcomed. You are not their project nor something broken for them to fix. they should fix their selves.
22. Being overly demanding or judgmental should not be welcomed, ever.
23. Focus please. Stop the shotgun blasting... try to stay on one subject until it is resolved and in a calm, respectful manner.
24. NEVER, EVER, let them sexually abuse you.
25. Last but not least they need to stop that withholding behavior and the excessive teasing. You will only continue to interact if they consistently follow through on their words!