I have never been wilful before.

but now i am.

the change in me is great. in the past 2 mths, i have expressed my wilfulness more than i had ever done in my life.

i'm loving the new me.

i'm stronger than my parents and brother now. i'm arrogant about it.

I'm loving it. Even my signature has suddenly grown really big...... so big, that my signature spills out of the box.

but my senior coaches frown.  They say I have to manage my wilfulness and grow out of the teenage phase.

but i don't want to.

i haven't had enough fun yet with the new me. I really enjoy knowing in my mind that i can choose to disobey my boss, my senior coaches, my parents, traffic laws, etc.

I don't want to let it go. I don't want to go back to being the powerless girl who just quietly obey and had no voice.

I don't awnt to go back to the past. Fuck it.

I am getting attached to my ego. heh. i'm now a 30+ year old teenager. and i dont want to grow up yet. fuck. it took me so much effort to finaly dig out the hidden teen in me. i'm not going to let it go so fast.

i have never felt so powerful and free before.  even fouil words have unwittingly ended up in my speech. and i used to be quite clean in my speech.

i suppose there will be consequences if i become too attached to this ego.

ok, i will deal with it when they come.

give me a bit more time.

teenhood that only last 2 mths? get real.

when i'm done with this fun i will have to figure out how to transcend this ego.