I went to see her yesterday. I don't live very close to her anymore and hadn't seen her in a couple of years. The last time that I saw her, she was still living on her own. She had some blood sugar issues, but was able to take care of herself, her cats, and her flowerbeds. She went into a diabetic coma in the fall. After she left the hospital, she was sent to a nursing home. A few weeks ago, my sister went to see her and told me that if I wanted to see her, I should go _soon_. Then last week, she was hospitalized again with pneumonia.
I finally was able to go spend the weekend at my sister's and see my grandma. My mom went with me. It was so hard to see her. She was always a vibrant woman, full of life. But not now. Her legs have shriveled, withered like the wicked witch's when the house falls on her and the shoes go to Dorothy's feet. Her hands shake so badly that she can't feed herself. She thought that I was her younger sister. She was so cold, and told me at least a dozen times that my hands were so warm. Her eyes didn't look like a woman, wise with life experience, but like a little girl- naive, and scared, and trusting that we were there to take care of her and not to hurt her.
I didn't know what to do or say since she was having a hard time hearing me and I was having a really hard time understanding most of what she said. In the end, I guess the important thing is that she knew that someone who cared about her was there.
Then last night, after everyone else had gone & it was just my sister and me, talking while putting together a puzzle, there was a sudden chill just after midnight. The room temperature dropped at least 10 degrees. The air was electric, we both got goosebumps all over and the hair on the back of our necks stood up. We both got pretty spooked and were pretty sure it was grandma there to see us. Then there was a moan from the corner of the room where the energy was. We checked the house to make sure that there weren't any windows open or that no one had come in. We sat back down with the blanket over us, but I couldn't get rid of the chill and my throat was getting tight. There was a feeling building up in me that I needed to tell my grandma that it was okay if she is in too much pain, it's okay if she lets go. I finally blurted it out. I suddenly felt so much calmer. We were still chilled and spooked but suddenly were really tired. We managed to go to sleep around 1:30 or 2. It was pretty freaky.
I'm still a little freaked out about it. My sister has had things like this happen to her before, but not in this house. I have felt like I've been visited by the dead but it has never made me feel nearly so wierded out. I have no idea what exactly it was all about. We discussed that it might just be that we had such a rough day. But I'm sure that she won't be living long. And that makes me both sad and relieved (for her).