went shopping today...back to school clothes and what not

the mall was crazy

people where letting their children run around like headless chickens

I hate when people do that

worse part is the kids are disruptive and rude to other people shopping

whatever...its just a thing

so yesterday was crazy. I never got to write everything down...alot at one time tends to bring me down in spirt. It started at 7 am, I had to wake up early so I could to my collage to get my parking decal,get my books at the bookstore and talk to a guidence counsler about my AICE credits (OH ANIA I TALKED TO MS ROBERTSON AND WE BOTH PASSED OUR AICE LIT EXAM ONLY ONE PERSON IN CLASS FAILED) well that was all fine and dandy execpt for the fact that I had to go on 95 to get there...I've only drove on it with my mom ONCE...so I was gunna have Shaun drive with me in the car so I coul try it alone but with someone in the car with me in case I mes up or something. Well hour after hour I try and call his cell but no answer. By 12 my mom calls the house and tells me I have to go and get it done today or I'd be grounded for not making use of my day. I explained to her about how Shaun was answering her phone and she said "well go put applications then...you have to do something." Shaun called about and half and hour later apoligizing cause for not getting my calls bc he had chores to do before he left. I told him not worry about it and that I would just do the applications instead.

Getting ready to leave to go job hunting yet again, Shannon and I got into the worst fight. All over frustrations brought on by dad....Meat has been so freaked out since the whole "incident" and flipped out on Shan when she went to put him into his doggy house, which made me freak on Shannon when his leg squrimmed and got hit on the doggy house door which made Shan flip on me for flipping....this lead to a fight over not yelling at each other (go figure) I cant do anything right. Fuck it. I had a neverous break down bc of it. I ran to my room and cried the hardest I think I've cried in a looooooonnnggg time.But Shan and I made up and promised to not yell at one another. Her and I rarely ever fight, but when we do its harsh and we make up pretty quick.

I had to leave still so I drove Shannon with me (OH I still had to take her to her open house after the job hunt) down to SLW so I could put more applications in...plus I needed time to let my face dry up from crying.

anyways long story short with the applications....I got the run around again (we are fully staffed right now but you can put in a application in case a postion becomes avalible...the nicest way of saying no) and I got laughed at by a lady who worked at Walgreens. Fucking bitch. I waited in line to talk to her for 15 minutes....I let costumers skip me since I just need to ask a question. Well when I finally get to talk to her she is the assisstant manager and says "Are you here for a return or something?" "No mam I'm wondering if your execpting applications?" she looks me up and down with her caked on makeup face trying to look MY age when she is clearly twice that and laughs "Definately not." she actually said that. word   for    word

I was livid but simply smiled and returned it with "ok thank you then have a nice day" and left to return to the car where Shan waited. We have 20 minutes before her open house and we still had to stop back at home so Shan could start dinner and go out to pick up her little friend Boris. Im trying to get home when I had to merge into a lane and some bitch ass woman in a red POS car flies up behind me on the right to me and I had to get over...I tried to let her pass but no luck so I put on my blinker to get over and she ends up in my blind spot THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GUNNA GET OVER IF I COULDNT SEE HER...so I waited for her to move out of the spot before I turned. Guess I waited to long for her bc she cuts over to my left really fast and speeds up to cut me off. Just what I needed more postivity =(

I finally get us home Shan put he cornbeef on and we had enough time to change into normal clothes  (I had wore a perfessional type outfit to the job hunting) and pick up Boris. I felt like a Mom. Trying really hard and getting absolutly nowhere all to make other people happy. I met all of Shans teachers,got her supplies list,walked her to each of her classes,met a few of her friends. I saw some of my old teachers too. Ms Miller is now Shans AICE english teacher....her words to me "Sam can you promise me something? Promise me you'll have a great adult life." Ms.Robertson asked about collage and my scolarships. Funny how I was so happy I EARNED my scholarships and tried really hard to not owe anybody money and look at me now over a car and gas money with my dad. Open went well enough...although ironicly I saw the lady from Walgreens there smacking her gum waiting for her son to talked to one of the teachers...she looked at me then looked at Shan and Boris. She looked at me sadly like she knew she was a bitch to me....I just smiled at her and walked away.

Granted Shannon is 16 and can hold her own I still like to be there for her....even when we fight. This year I'm going to make an effort to go to her honor roll assembles and sneak her out early as a real award...mainly bc I never got that through highschool and I want her last two years to be twice as good as mine. But yea when we got home I was worn out. I felt emotionally strained....OH it turns out the reason dad couldnt take Shan to her open house was he "HAD TO" go to the gym.......wow. whatever. I happened to check my phone when we got back and I had seven missed calls from Shaun. Called him back and told him how my day went....the next thing I know he is standing on my door step picking me up to got to the movies with our other friend Kyle. It was great to get out of the house, we saw Tropical Thunder....AMAZING!! Shaun really saved the day yesterday.

OHH get this. when we got to the moives Kyles we saw his "best friend" there with his newly exed ex-girlfriend. how fucked up is that?

Last night I had the worst dream ever. I guess I was engaged to thisguy named Aaron (I dont even know an Aaron) and we lived in this cute little appt. Well we were really happy and in like one second I was pregnant...full on 9 months prego. I was just so happy with him...we were so in love.I felt complete with him and the baby growing inside me. then I felt something on my leg and I looked down to see blood streaming down my pants and I started screaming. Out of nowhere  my mom comes out and calmly says "You lost the baby Samantha. I told you. I'm so sorry." and leaves. Aaron runs to me and holds me trying to stop my tears, but when he sees O wont he just lets go of me and says " honey this is useless" and walks away. All the while a pool of blood in gathering around me. I woke up in hysterics.

yea. needless to say everything has been a bit upside down lately.