I decided to go home this weekend and spend some times with my best friend (and friend with benefits) Red.  He had called me on Wednesday while Leonard was fixing my computer.  We ended up talking for about 3 hours, but it was broken up because we both had to get off the phone at different times to take care of things.  At first it was just the two of us bickering back and forth and flirting, talking about our days, and just spending time together, even though it was on the phone.  Then I had to go because Leonard needed to explain to me what I needed to know about what he did with my computer.  Once Leonard was done with that, I made the mistake of trying to talk to him.  When he left I ended up on the floor crying in a ball for a good ten minutes.  I called Red back and we talked for a little while longer, he tried to make me feel better, but I know that it is hard for him.  He just broke up with a girlfriend and I think it bothers him to see how upset I am because he knows that he just caused that kind of pain to her.  That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. 

Before we hung up for the night he said that he wanted to go see Wall-E, and that I should head back to Piedmont to see it with him.  After I agreed, mostly just because I had the weekend off, he told me that his most recent two ex-girlfriends may also come with us.  I didn’t really say anything about how awkward that situation would be.  I knew that he knew that it would be a little awkward, but either didn’t care or wanted a friend in a situation that would be uncomfortable for him.  Either way I didn’t care, because the weekend before I had needed him to come up at the very last minute to go to a wedding with me.  Leonard’s office mate, Dylan, was getting married, and there was really no way that I could not go to the wedding, as Dylan and his wife Frieda had made a huge deal of me coming to the wedding even though Leonard and I were no longer dating.  The problems were that, 1) Leonard would be in the wedding party so naturally at the wedding and reception, and 2) he was bringing a “friend.”  I just knew that there was no way that I could go through that alone, and asked Red to come with me.  He did, and was amazing, doing all the little things that made it look like he was not just a friend.  The thing is that when I talked to my friends, who I will call Tim and Rose, they both said that being that Red and I have been sleeping together on and off for about 3 years, and that he was so amazing could mean that he is interested in something more happening between us.  I thought that he was trying to be a nice guy but I am not sure.  Fast forward to the weekend, I kind of wanted to give him the opportunity to give me a hint of if he saw something more between us, so that was part of why I was willing to drive down to see a movie in the most awkward situation imaginable. 

I got in to Piedmont running about an hour late and decided to just put some gas in my car and head straight to the theater, even though I didn’t know what showing we were going to.  As soon as I got a signal back to my phone, I called Red to let him know that I was on my way.  He decided on a showing that would put me at the theater about 40 minutes before it started.  He said that he and the less recent of the ex-girlfriends would meet me there, and that the other was not coming anymore.  He then asked me to call our friend Bentley and see if he wanted to come to the movie as well.  It took a little begging, but I was able to talk Bentley in to coming out.  I was really excited about that because I don’t get to hang out with him that often as our jobs have us working opposite schedules.  

The movie was great, I highly recommend it.  It is very hopeful.  After the movie, Red and Bentley decided that they wanted to go to a bar in the area.  Red’s ex didn’t seem too happy about it because she is 20 and would not be able to get in.  Red didn’t really seem to care that she wouldn’t be able to come out, which I think upset her a little more.  Bentley and I went to drop my car off at his place and then to go to the bar while Red dropped her back off at her car and then meet us at the bar.  A friend of ours that was already at the bar asked where Red was and Bentley made a joke that he was probably getting laid, as we all know that he is still sleeping with his ex.  I didn’t say anything because even though I know that we are just friends who sleep together, I try not to think about the fact that he is also sleeping with other women, especially ex’s.  When he got to the bar, Bentley asked him, and he said that nothing happened, which I believe.  We were hanging out for a while, and then a guy that was at the bar, lets call him Beckham, asked if anyone wanted to play a game of shuffleboard.  None of the guys said anything, but I said that I was willing to learn but that I had never played before.  They wanted to play doubles, so our friend that was already at the bar offered to play as my partner.  I was flirting hard with Beckham but was getting no where fast.  I have still not quite figured it out, but I think that it was just because I was there with so many guys.  Either way the whole time Red kept finding a way to get my attention back on him and away from Beckham.  It was hard to tell though if he just wanted my attention or that he didn’t like that I was chatting up some other guy.  Either way, I am thinking that it is a sign that he has some feelings for me more than just friends.  We ended up back at his place and having sex by the end of the night.  Neither of us were even still buzzed at that point so I can’t blame making that decision on the drinking.  We make that bad decision every time that we see each other and we are both single.  I have gotten to the point where I accept that in our friendship, but it’s almost getting a little old at this point.  I know what I want, and it is not this casual sex, friends with benefits crap.  Every time he talks about the kind of person that he wants I just want to look at him and scream THAT’S ME.  He says that he doesn’t want to date anyone anymore because it never works out so why bother, and every time he says that to me I tell him that at some point he will find someone who will change his mind, but I just want to tell him that the person that he is looking for is me and all he needs to do is open his eyes and realize it.  Oh well.

I spent the night at his place on Friday and then we spent the whole day together on Saturday before I had to go back to Springfield for work.  We spent most of the day driving around in his truck looking for a part that he needed to fix my parents computer.  We talked about almost everything under the sun and nothing really all at the same time.  At one point we were talking about superheroes for some reason and I said that I always was more of a Batman person then a Superman person, because I have a thing for the “bad boys.”   He said that must be why I never went after him.  I almost asked what made him think that I hadn’t and I am a little mad at myself for not saying it.  I don’t really know why I didn’t. 

We texted a little after I got out of work today, but it was just a little back and forth flirting/banter that we do all the time.  It wasn’t anything that was real.  I just want a chance for something real, but I may be the only one.  Oh well.  Every time that we have sex I end up in this same place wondering exactly where I stand with him.  And as we have been doing this for almost 3 years, so by know I should have learned either how to separate my feelings from the sex or that I can’t.  Either one would be nice at this point. 

Time for the quote of the day:

“If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”  Catherine Aird    

Much Love from Princess