|More Than A Conqueror|
I sat down and talked with my pastors today - just the two of them and me. It was interesting. I don't know that I've ever really done that before with both of them in this particular manner.
I have a lot of issues that I have carried over from before I came back to the Lord. Some of these issues have recently resurfaced in such a manner that I cannot ignore them any longer. That is what we discussed today.
I'll be honest; I was nervous, especially because I did not know what we were going to discuss. There were a couple of potential reasons why they would want to sit down and talk with me, and I really did not expect it to be over this particular issue.
This is something that I really need to work through. I have found that it is interfering with my relationships to the point where I am pretty much dysfunctional. It's not blatant, but the strangest things will send me in a tailspin that really should not do so.
Anyway, it was strangely easy for me to talk with them - not effortless, but much easier than I expected. We made progress, hooray! They said they want to meet with me at least once a week for a while: to talk with me, pray with me, hold me accountable, and make sure I am doing alright.
I am not quite sure how this all works. They are my parents in the Lord, but I don't know exactly how to be a daughter. My own parents and I have a bizarre relationship, so I don't really understand what I am supposed to do or what to expect from them. I guess I just have to trust God that He knows what He is doing and trust my spiritual leadership. This is so hard!
They gave me four scriptures to meditate on:
Matthew 18:21-35 - the parable of the unmerciful servant (key verses are 34-35: And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.)
Isaiah 61: 1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. 4 And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
James 5:16 - Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
They also told me to pray in the Holy Ghost as much as I can, which I must admit I do not do enough. They also want me to make a list of certain things to show them next time we meet - stuff about my parents. That is going to dredge up a lot of painful memories, but I understand the wisdom in what they've asked me to do. Even if I didn't understand, I'd still do it, but it's good that I can see the logic behind the request because it makes it easier for me to comply. Baby steps, baby steps.