Small note I need to add to my previous entry, but it's fitting enough to warrant it's own entire new post.
As stupid and conflicted as I feel about the entire Alice thing, that doesn't mean I don't miss her, because I really do. She's a sweet lass with such an endearing personality and we had alot of laughs together, and I didn't want for things to go own the route they've taken - but that was out of my hands. Mistakes happen, I know that, but I've seen too many mistakes from too many people to be able to cope with it. I'm like a friggin' tree, and every new thing is taking more and more chunks out of me, so it's only a matter of time before I fall.
I wonder if she would wait for me, like she said, or whether she'd give up. I wouldn't blame her if she did the latter, we've both thrown alot of spanners into the works. I'm always reminded by a lyric from The Editors; "And you can only hope in the end that love that you felt is worth the pain that you went through".
Things might look bad and, very well be bad, but that's the way things have always been. Touch and go. I do regret telling her I need two weeks in it's own way because I just want to sit down and talk to her about everything, face to face, but niether of us can do that. She has her uni work, I've got work and recovering from that, so there's no chance for nigh upon a week.
She needs time though. Time away from me entirely, and time for her to think through what she wants to do. Can't help but feel she might be slightly blinkered by the entire thing. It's not just a case of is this what I really want, but what We really want. If she really wants someone like me then, hell. I'm the last person to want to stop her.
Am I what she really wants? What she needs?