Hey, well if your wondering where part 1 is of Something New!!! It didnt save, I dont want to re-write it again, and it was the important part...never mind. Feel free to ask Questions to catch on my journey.

So i''ve read this book "Read my Lips" written by a bunch of women authors, and am now trying to put my learnings in to practise, today is day one.

Day one. Had breakfast this morning, 2 weetbix. (Usually breakfast consist of one mug of coffee and 5 ciggies.)

Helped get my daughters ready for school, then we walked the 10min walk to school.(Usually, dont help get the girls ready, 5mins before school starts we jump in the car)

Got home showered and sat outside with my 3 C''s, Coffee, Ciggies and Computer.

So over all its been a different day, but i know its for the best, scoffed down a cup of nuts, tasty, dont usually eat during the day, usually wait until dinner.

So im 34yrs old with issues, i have 3 children, my 15yr old son lives in NZ, and my 2 daughters aged 5 and 6 live here with me and their dad in Sydney.

My husbands great, supportive. We''ve been together near 9 yrs, been married near 4yrs, we only got married so i could get into "Greece" with no visas. Yes!! my husbands Greek, but born and raised in New Zealand. I am a Maori from New Zealand.

My father died in 2000 from cancer and mum''s in a "Special" home. I have an older brother currently living in Hamilton,NZ and a lil bro in England.

When my father died, i didnt feel sad, i felt more relieved and free as dad was a very strict, growing up with dad sucked, he never had time for me nor my older brother. My mum was a manic depressive, blamed her life, depression etc... on me, it started with post-natal depression, so all my life i was reminded that i did that to her, now she''s living in that "Special" house, suffering depression, bi-polar disorder and is now going blind cos of her Diabetes.

My past has been my present... i''ve fought with myself constantly not to be the same as her, spent all my life trying to do the opposite. And yet, Depression gets me down alot, i dont want to be like her, i dont want my past to be my future too, My up-bringing sucked, at the age of 5 i was cooking and cleaning,cos mum was in bed and dad was at work, this went on till i moved out of home. "Kids were meant to be seen, not heard" So the communication between me and my folks were limited, god forbid if they showed affection.

i let my past mould my present, myself and now i want to do better for my childrens sake, i dont want them to go through what i am, its a struggle everyday, even cuddling my girls is alot of work. The worst is the yelling i do at them.

Positive thinking is hard for me, so use to putting myself down, my parents put me down, and now i do it, till today that is. Got to change, for my sake and family xxx