So I'll warn you that this entry can be triggering and that I'm going to talk about something that triggered me for your sake.

I saw the movie the Black Swan and there was so much sex implications and most of it was being force or coerced that I just couldn't take it.  I was squirming in my seat watching it feeling all the feelings come up.  It shook me to the core.  Natalie Portman's character was so objectified and she was so innocent it was just terrible.

I had nightmares last night of men grabbing me and telling me what to do to please them.  I don't know what to do.  I feel ridiculous because I saw it with a friend and I know it probably didn't effect her at all besides maybe making her a little uncomfortable.  I just hate this so much.  I can never live a normal life again and I have to live like this forever.  No one is ever going to be able to go into my mind and cut out all the awfulness and trauma I went through.  It's impossible.  Even if we dealt just with the rape all I endured after that just tears me apart.  I don't know why I even try anymore.