Well what do you know... I did not do anything with matt. arg! Maybe going to the play with my mother and him was no the best idea. Sure, we did the whole cheesy thign of holding hands during the show but with my mom there i do not think i even gave him a hug goodnight. I wonder if he was even disappointed... Then I did not see him unitl today but of course we were at school. Then I made the resolve for myself to try and see what would happen after our Academic Decathlon meeting, but of course fate decided that we shall be alone together what-so-ever. See? aimply frustrated. I am not worried that nothing will ever happen, but still. Then one my friends just had to ask how things were going and if I wanted more from him but in all honesty I do not know what to say. Should I say yes i think i am falling for him - and hard - or do i say well no because i know if we do take it slow then we may just last longer.

The thing is she made a good point I am probably the friend that knows him the best - at least from school. I know he has almost blood brothers from boy scouts but as a girl i know him the best. so i know that he is not one to take the iniatiative and just outright grab me and kiss me ( not that I would mind that at all... but i digress) Maybe for now I should be happy and wait for the moment to be right. i just dont want to be the one to always have to take the lead... every girl knows that no matter how strong they are it is sort of nice to be treated like that corny "damsel" every once in a while.

hmm... what else has happened? well thankfully i had to cancel my dentist appointment. If they have to stick a needle into my mouth they are going to have to tie me down and find a way to keep my mouth open... hell they may have to knock me out first. i did go to my doctors appointment and she started me on birth control just because life is evil and has decided to give me massive pain, but hopefullt not anymore! oh and on thursday i have my last two college applications due. one is almost done my old history teacher just needs to submit his letter of recommendation, the other i still haev an essay to write and one other teacher needs to do her letter of rec. Unfortunalty i just found out that the email address she gave me is wrong so i may have to hurry - espcially since she was not in her room so i can talk to her about it.

oh i also have to finish up getting ready for my homeroom council meeting next tuesday... damn leadership i really dont like my job. i just have to think 4 more meetings then im done for the year... 4 more. and i still have not done my english homework. stupid teacher ( we all have the lovely pet name of lertzifer for her... you know her name lertzman with a little lucifer mixed in) she is making us write a 2 and a half page essay tonight on crime and punishment. damn... and as for bio i have 4 chapters to read before tuesday next week, so ill start thursday and read one chapter a day and review monday night.

too bad i have academic decathlon every day until competition. oh and maybe on wednesday i will try out for our shakespeare festival. but i need to talk to walt (the drama teacher) and see if rehersals will be mainly after deca competition. this is the life i get for trying to overachieve.

Promises to self:

I will wake up on time to get to school. (easy)

I will talk to the teachers about reccomendation letters. (easy-ish)

I will go to the gym. (hard really no motivation)

I will do my homework earlier. (we shall see about that)

I will try to build up enough courage to have a moment alone with matt. (gulp)