Digging through my lyric 'archive' today found this...

I like to walk beside water

(You like to walk on the sand)

Find me or fold me, I’m a giving man.

Look right through me.

You won’t see who I am.

Light my mind, Find the time.

Right, not only. You owe me.

Pre-tell are you lying, in my arms there’s a suffering timing

In my heart there’s a ticking bomb.

That goes right when you set off.

Inspirational dying. Give sensational me

Undefinable pedant, me the frivolous one.

I like to walk beside the water,

I like to eat from the earth.

You like to walk on the sand,

You like the colour of the wind.

So the cold goes.

I like to hold your hand.

I like to hold your hand.

I like to hold your hand.

I have a recorded version, so I'll put up soon but... in the mean time, I was digging around that internet thing and I found this

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=38386679&ac=now -i

Two tracks from about 5 years ago it's funny to think how bad I was, but how much I enjoyed recording all the instruments. vocals etc etc. I wish I had good enough recording equipment to do that nowadays when the whim takes me (the old stuff broke).

Your Scar is the one that I still play in a much modified version with better vocals :S

and whilst I'm in a wierd mood, here's some Ryan Adams

www.youtube.com/watch

Love this song but don't get the video, it just doesn't seem to match the emotion of the song.

Liking this one too

www.youtube.com/watch

So days 1 and 2 of the new job were fine I've been a little down for other reasons. Sometimes I just wish everything else was easier, I am blessed in many ways hence I don't really want to moan about it. When I was younger and I felt like this, I'd get together a lot of money and disapear to India or Germany or something... but now I earn an ok wage and I only just about manage to get through the month and have a life.

It's all my wife thinks of (money) which is tough because I just want her to be happy and money isn't a happy thing. She earns a lot less than me, has to waste petrol driving to work and she works about 10hrs more a week than me and her job is unstable and subject to changes in hours. Anyway she wants to go to Uni part time and I'm not sure if even pulling all our money together we'd be able to afford it. I'm trying my best to find solutions but I don't think she quite appreciates how close to breaking down I have been the last couple of weeks. I know, I know i've got a new job but I'm constantly worried they are going to decide they want to put be back to my old one at the end of the financial year. I need to work my arse of to get permenancy, prove my worth. Frances is quite hot tempered and will shout where I would never really raise my voice. She worries about money at the wrong times, like looking at the bills on a Friday Night. I am currently between a rock and a hard place because no matter what I do to try and help the uni situation she responds mockingly.

Anyway I'm going to stop moaning about that,she does so much to give us a good place to live and keep me happy. I just wish she wasn't quite as negative, and possibly gave me a break for a couple of weeks until I got on my feet a little with this job.

I don't help because I don't like thinking of things that make me unhappy, so I escape into my books, my songs, my diary. I wish she had more ways to escape.  I need a long holiday somewhere warm where I don't need to think about anything (especially money)

I cried earlier, I just thought how sad she will be if she can't go to uni and I wish she understood how much I care.

I haven't really talked about her recently on here, and don't plan on doing it often mostly because I need something, Like the music and the writing which is my own, my own selfish pursuits.

Anyway, it'll all feel a little better in a few days, I hope a night out on friday (and apparently a couple of drinks on saturday) and American football on Sunday to look forward to and maybe i'll catch that person I was looking for online soon, that would cheer me up, take my mind of life for a while. Though everyone has their own lives to live and I'm just happy that you are all out there living yours!

I ramble far to much, i've been writing this entry for days and I've just added a sentence at a time for hours. Hope it makes sense.

I'm starting to think... no, that revelation is for another diary entry, possibly never. (It wasn't that exiting anyway) I'm off to bed.

Tell me some good news, I could do with cheering up?

Good Night

p.s. other good news, I suppose, was it was pay day today :)