if only he knew

So today was kinda shitty...but then again a lot of days are...

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about love and my views on it...don't take anything that sounds harsh to heart though considering the mood I'm in today.

I've only been in love twice in my life...so far anyway.

My first swing at it ended in nothing but a broken heart...it kinda started out that way too though I guess.

They say you never forget your first love and that you will love them forever. I'm still debating whether or not both theories are true.

I know I'll never forget my first love...whether or not I'll always love him I'm still out on. I don't love him anymore at least not in that way...but I do still think about him,all the time.When I hear about something going wrong in his life theres still that part of me that just wants to make sure he's ok. If I don't love him anymore then why are my eyes watering while I type this? I think its because I didn't give my heart time to heal before I fell in love with the one...

The one who loves me,who loved me from the start.The love of my life..the one who showed me just how much I could love someone,the one who can hurt me more then the first one ever could...the only one who can make me jealous and crazy....the one who I cant walk away from...no matter how bad I want to sometimes. I love him and know he loves me...

if only he knew how much I doubt myself...then he would understand.