hopefully i have enough energy to make it through this day. i've been snapping that rubber band so hard against my wrist. It's quite difficult not to think about food. but i've decided that i've been on the fence about this for way too long. i need to go one way or the other. and i can't help but want to be beautiful. even if that means pain. i have made myself look like this (by eating) i can make myself better (by not). i'm so sickened though that i've grown so attached to my makeup. cant even go to practice without at least foundation on. ugh. when my scars disapear i'll stop using it. i promise. today is going to be a good day. i need it to be. college tryouts are almost a month away. i am not prepared. i'll work hard today. thats what my private lesson is for right? yeah. making my last payment today at elite too. now i can save for my own car. i need another job (that'll also keep my mind off of things) . well i'm off to see the magical cheer wizard