|I write for myself~|
Holy shit it's been YEARS since I last wrote anything, I'm going to explooode D:
I haven't had any time to write these last 11 days, not even check this site...why? because school has been assraping all of us, repeatedly, several times a day. So when I get home I dive in straight to the bed and wake up barely in time to go swimming. Ugh.
Uhhh...I left this around...ok I don't remember much but here are the highlights of the week, I guess.
So the day after I last wrote here was going to be a very unremarkable day but for some reason I ended up chatting with some guy from Ccs. He was nice, not like the pervs that have added me before on msnger. Besides that nothing very interesting happened, but hey it was cool.
on friday I hung out with Vic and C and showed him the songs I would like him to sing at my anti-birthday. Fun ^^.
On saturday I think I went to EPA to buy the stuff I needed for the experiments. I found most of the material for the pseudomagnetic levitation car, but I didn't get the metal sheet for the cymatics thing. I also survived the first flood of the year (it rained hard hard hard). BTW it was a very special occassion since it was a 13th. But I couldn't quite make it to Soph's house.
Sunday...hmmm I woke up late, watched Aeon Flux, had lunch...nothing very interesting. I should've studied though.
This monday the math teacher was sick so I went home, tried to sleep for a while, but then V called saying she was going to show up at 3 pm. So I just put on my XL black t-shirt I wear for after swimming (it's the same length than the dress), my blue pajama pants with little sheep all over them, and almost went to school dressed like that (all I actually did was open the bars, so no one saw me, but it was fun). Before that I was watching L: Save te World ^^. Long story short V spent about 2 hours and a half reading ALL of my chat logs with Adr. Yes I was next to her, no there's no way I would've showed her any other log...Perhaps a few here and there but not certain others. By the time she left there was no more popcorn and half the marias were gone. I started working on the chem project, ate a bit of road sushi (that wasn't so great, it was actually very bland...cause my parents decided to buy it somewhere else) and waited for Soph to arrive. We did most of the work, she talked to me about her a-month-after-her-bday party, and, well it was a nice day since I got to spend it with 2 of the ppl I consider my best friends? heh.
On tuesday I was sleepy as hell, I went to physics in the afternoon for about 20 minutes just to show the teacher what I planned to do for the fair. I don't remember anything else. Wait, that is because I was still on and on with that effing chem paper. I skipped a bunch of classes to write it out and to work on the rest of the project.
Wednesday: not very wowish either, except for the fact that C sort of asked me out ("wanna be my girlfriend?') during the recess. As in, "officially". So I went with the game and said yes. Lol, "my first boyfriend". Huh, now that I'm thinking about it...he had asked the same about 3 times before or something like that and I remember he usually said "I love you" sometime ago when we barely spoke to each other (and all I said was "that's not true"). Oh and that other time when all the guys were making bets? err...It was about 30 bucks for a real kiss. At first it was going to be with V but, uh, they said no one wanted to take it up. So naturally I was the only girl there besides her and C was about to win the bet but I was all WTF O.o so it didn't happen. Anyways, back to wednesday - I skipped P.E. because I was printing the chem thing, AGAIN. So I went late to school and arrived in the middle of the exam. "Embarrasment" isn't enough to describe that moment. I didn't even have anything to write with, but I did 1 of the exercises correctly and all of the naming was good, so I probably got a 10. That was the raping of the poor student body -ahem-.
Thursday...was that yesterday? wow. Pretty hazy though. We saw a few thesis (oh btw the other days there were thesis too) so there wasn't any real class. Hung out with C in the back garden again. The english teacher thinks for some reason that I go around crying and even though he's wrong it was a funny/weird conversation. R got the official line on my new "boyfriend". Slept the whole afternoon. Some old dude hit me in the head when I was swimming. Hard. Ow. I tried to get some help with physics but no one knew anything and Vic was away. At some point I chatted with C.on msnger, it was pretty ok. I went to sleep pretty late and now lady GaGa is suck on my brain (it replaced jason mraz thanks god).
Waitwaitwait now I remember...sorry but the trauma was keeping me from it. D attempted some very tasteless things with me, meaning even more public humilliation. I really hate her, what a slut. And R proved his gayness in a very shocking way which no one could get over- he REJECTED one of the hottest girls in school (A.F.). Seriously, everyone was in shock.
Eh...Today was the royal rape of epic proportions in physics. Fuck it was AWFUL. I didn't answer anything at all. And the teacher plans to make the repetition way, way harder (translation: even worse raping). Inmediately after the test, oh sweet irony, we went out to see a thesis about the stress levels of high-schoolers. I was part of the study so it was pretty interesting, lol. My class and the seniors' are the ones with the highest scores. In my classroom 50% are at the maximum (yeah I'm one of those), and the rest are at the second highest level. How fun.
Nothing interesting happened during the recess. I was bored and noticed C hadn't spoken to me at all so I texted him during english class to ask if he was already regretting his choices. Stupid me I forgot he didn't have my number so after clearing up any identity concerns he sort of apologized cutely. The rest of english class I spent with J, Jj, Vic and R, trying my best to help R out of the hole he dug himself into. Of course he's so moronic he didn't pay attention to me, but he should have. Besides, the idiot was saying that I was only going out with C to "hurt him". Btw that was how Jj heard about my, eh, "relationship"..."so you hooked up with C" "yes" "well, congratulations" "thank you". LOL. Rule 1- don't be desperate. You're 15. All you can get is a date, in the best case a girlfriend, but you're not looking for a wife right now. So relax and keep many possibilities so if one turns you down you have someone to hang out with. (note: do not stalk the girl[s] of your choice. Especially not me). 2- :Listen to what J, Jj, Adr and M tell you about how to flirt with a girl. They have tons of experience, mmk? and you know it. 3- Work on something that can be seen as attractive: it's not only about being hot (though that certainly helps), it can also mean having a cool hobby or any certain personality trait. Different people like different things, so it's not being a fake, it's about being a better version of you. 4- Seriously, go out and meet a few girls. Please.
Back to RL - we went out to see another thesis. V sat next to me (like all the other times) but I was annoyed at the "talk via writing a text message and passing the phone" so she had to conform with talking really low. Cnrd is an 8,5 according to me, an 8 according to V, and the whole thing was a little awkward because I think J could hear us. Whatever.
Same thing with the goddamn back garden. But C's little brother was kind of weird. Y'know, I wanted hugs from C instead lol. Teased him a little about stuff and then left for lunch. Oh and before that V was getting VERY annoying: first, I was next to Soph in the hall and instead of talking with me there she insisted in sitting a few steps in front of that place and wanted me to sit down too. Why? Why? I hate having to choose between them. I'd rather not do something like what she wanted me to do. It makes me feel bad about Soph. However I did agree to sit next to the bathroom because it was farther away and didn't look as bad (or so I thought). C appeared at some point and then the Drama unleashed because she was acting like a fuckin preescholer. I mean, seriously, do you REALLY believe J told him to stop talking to you?? don't you know the difference between girl's pettiness and guys's? they're not the same. and it was very effing obvious that it wasn't true. But no they all had to go at it again. Well it's the first time in months that they've talked about what happened at J's house, but there was no improvement. Ugh.
Swimming was a rape all over again. I got home, ate something, changed up and checked the comp. Inmediately after I logged in C sent me a message asking about...3 missed calls and 1 new text on my phone. Oh fuck. Hey, I was sleeping! I'm checking it right now sorry x 3. So anyway...he said he wanted to talk more seriously and asked all the questions de rigueur: if I disliked/liked him, if I luvd him, how much, what did I think about him, if I _liked_ him, what did I think about our play-pretend relationship status, if I had any plans for tomorrow, and if I would consider kissin him. Since I already have the chat log to haunt me forever with all the vulnerability that is pasted over my answers, I will discuss with myself here;
First of all, yes he's nice so I do like him. Laid back and stuff. If I luv him...Well...as much as I luv my friends, yeah (not to confuse with love, it's just that there's no real equivalent to the word in spanish). If I _liked_ him? ok first of all he's an awesome musician, second he's got green-blue eyes *drool*. No he's not Jhonny Depp, he's not "hot" but yeah there are certain things that make him attractive (may I confess all of my weaknesses: chocolates, guys older than me as in way way older university-attending dudes, deep blue eyes like hugh laurie's, hipsters, hot geeks. list is probably over). So yeah I "like" him a little. About the play pretend: I'm cool with it as long as he keeps the facade in front of dear beloved friends and doesn't dump me in less than a week. However I wouldn't feel really fucking depressed if he did - one of the reasons I hope I never get to anything more than friends with Jj. Tomorrow I have a sh*tload of work to do but I kind of hoped that was an indirect. If I would kiss him: I answered "probably" but didn't add "if anything, do it on my bday" because that would've been beyond corny. And yeah I would, but prolly not before then...
From what I got from him, it's the same situation, but I'm still not sure where we stand. Oh well, let's just live and things will unfold themselves. Because, besides the joking and fooling around and stuff we *are* friends and I don't know but the impression I got was that there was a tiny sliver of honesty in the whole pretention. I could be wrong of course, but it would be interesting.
I should make no illusions about Jj, given the fact that he's pretty much ignoring me, and that *if* anything happened between us I would actually care a lot but he obviously wouldn't. He doesn't need no drama llama and I don't need to have my heart shattered into a gazillion pieces. I know he's just toying with all those girls, and I could not handle being played. But still I used to like him a lot. I could even go as far as saying I was, at some point, "in love". Damn I am working hard on getting over it.
P.S. I've been talking with Adr on msnger curiously enough for more than 2 days in a row. Thought I would mention it since I don't remember him saying hi so often to me before.
second P.S: I apologize for the use and abuse of the word "rape" here. Please try not to get too offended at it, nor at the repeated cursing. I am a sailor after all.
also, I should stop trying to write down things when it's almost 5 AM already.
au revoir. The birds will be singing pretty soon.