That last entry was pathetic, and bathed in self-pity. I, Joshy Poshy, am NOT pathetic, I refuse to be pathetic, though I did play the part pretty well if I do say so myself. I’m at the station, still... I’m awake, and I really shouldn’t be, but there’s no place to sleep... There are two big guys seated up-right on one couch, and on little guy sprawled out on the other. Normally, I’d be pissed, but I can’t. One, I can sleep when I’m dead. Two, they’re all good guys, and when I work myself up to being angry I think really bad thoughts, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to get flustered, and taint memories of my friends with horrible thoughts, and that’s all I’m gonna say on the matter.
I’m ready and raring to go, if we get a call. I really dig this life-saving business. I know it’s for me. I SO want to take it a step further and become a nurse. I get so overwhelmed, though. I’m a horrible student. Okay, I’m not a horrible student. I’m a lazy student. If I put forth half the effort it took to get the grades I need, I’d be golden. The only half involved with my studies right now, is half-assed. I need to see my goal, and I need to take action to achieve it. I can do it.
I’m going to apply for a job as an ER tech. I need an income. I can’t live off of mommy’s money. Or my grandfather’s money, or my brothers’ money... I’m such a burden to them, and it’s not fly. I got swagger, and being broke and begging is no part of it. lol! I’m gonna get this fucking job. I’m gonna take some course next semester, and it’s going to be brilliant, and I am going to be brilliant, and then I’m going to be loaded while I help those that truly need it. I’m going to get out on my own and out of my mother’s hair, though she doesn’t feel that way - to my knowledge, and if she does, she hides it perfectly.
I’m not going to wallow or mope anymore. The only thing that was bringing about those teary-eyed almost-cries was me. Duh! Rational thought, Joshy! Good Yob!!! XD
Jose is from Venezuela, and he’s - of course - bilingual. One of the courses I’m taking next semester is Spanish. When I decided that it would make my resume amazing, we got tapped out for a called, and my patient didn’t speak a work of English. That only confirmed that I was on the right path - a sign, if you will.
I think Jesus sends me signs. He does work in strange ways, and that just proves it. Others may disagree, but this is my diary so choke on a fat one and fuck off, if you have anything to say about it.
I’m so glad I’ve come back. This was a missing piece to the puzzle that is my life. I like venting on here, and reading what everyone has to say about it. By everyone I mean the people that matter on the side over there. It’s fun and interesting to read what you all have to say. I live for your notes lol! Is that bad? ... Meh! I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you all... XD It sounds like a proposal or something.
That’s all, for now... Again!