had to take roommate to the hospital today. was a bit eerie, really. i don't think it's of anything life-threatening or anything, but a kidney stone still sucks. i'm just glad i've never really had anything to severe to deal with, from a physiological perspective. it would tear me up inside to deal with something of that severity. as unhealthy a lifestyle as i generally lead (fast food is my home cooking thanks to a life that is dictated by phone calls and gambling habits) the fact that i somehow don't have diabetes or worse is a blessing of sorts. working out, at least here lately, has been a slight step towards a prevention of further damage that i may have already done. who knows. i'm not terribly worried about it; i've lived a good life in my scant 24 years here, so if today's my day, eh, it's been a good run.

finally saw my alternate best friend last night for the first time in almost two weeks. didn't go very well. he ended up getting stuck over a grand in our omaha game, and i had to give him all my profits and the cut from the rake to keep him afloat. i don't really mind it so much, i just hate the fact he's so consistently able to just cut me completely out of his life for weeks at a time, then spring back in and act as if nothing is awry at all. i know a lot of people that have the ability to just transplant themselves in and out of people's lives like that, and i wish i had the ability to just...shut myself off. i can't, though. as much as i wish i don't give a fuck about people, i think i always will give too much of a fuck about people. it'll end up being my downfall, i can just envision it. it's a sad state of affairs, really, but, i'm used to the dissolution of my joy stemming from bringing other people that very thing. i like making people happy, and maybe it's naive and foolish of me, but, it's just part of things, i guess.

i need to finish an article and hand quizzes for chris for the website, and aaron has made me in charge of getting our website up off the ground. bunch of responsibility all of a sudden, exactly what i didn't want at the beginning of all of this. ugh. oh well. maybe it's good for something, in the long run.

i'm ready to get out of this town. but it may take more time than i envisioned.