and it isn't easy for me to just walk away from him, even though he seems to have done that to me...

but i am taking steps...

i maintain contact, but i do not say anything because i do not want to appear to be rubbing your nose in it.

i want to throw myself into seeing what you and i could have, but its not quite there yet...

because i feel like i am being disloyal if i do that, if i just walk...

you said it, i have no closure...

and yet i find myself continuing to get more wrapped up in you...

i am determined to make a way for you to be here if you are left alone this weekend...

i want to feel your arms wrapped around me, pulling me close...i want you to look me in the eyes while you enter me...

i want to feel your heart pounding underneath my hand...

i want to feel your passion, i want to feel you relax, let go of that tight control you keep on your feelings...

i could get lost in you, if you let go....

and yes, it does scare the heck out of me...

terrifies me...

i want to lay in your arms and talk...

you know what i want? i want to be loved.....

even though i am not entirely sure it can be done...